Oceans (Where feet may fail)
The other day I was driving in my car and listened to this song. Since a while it is probably my favorite song. But that time I was listening to it I had a revelation.
It says in the beginning of the song "You call me out upon the waters, the great unknown, where feet may fail"!
I had tears in my eyes and realized again how wide and deep God's love and grace is. The Lord calls us to do certain things and go certain places with the knowledge that we may fail. And still he calls us to go and to do. He told Peter to get out of the boat and put his feet on the stormy water. He knew Peter will lose his faith and get fearful and eventually sink but STILL he called him to come.
We know that Peter got scared by all the big waves. He put his focus on the waves and off of the eyes of Jesus.
That's the way I feel often times. Espacially in the last half year. It got really hard at work. For a long time I tried to bring positivity into my workplace. I tried to influence my coworkers with encouragements and being different. But I lost track. I was really tired cause my work Schedule changed a lot. The atmosphere at work was really tense and I was litterally overwhelmed by all of it. I also felt unhappy working as a sales woman cause it just didn't fullfill me. Don't get me wrong. I know work will never be my fullfillment but I do believe that God has given me talents and gifts and I want to use them to glorify him and bring him praise.
Unfortunately I got so distracted in figuring out where my place is and what I am supposed to do plus all the stuff that was going on at my work place that I fixed my eyes on the big waves around me instead fixing my eyes on the loving face of Jesus.
Last week I decided to talk to my boss and tell her that I needed a fix schedule again. I wanted to tell her that I was tired that my schedule constantly changes. But on saturday morning while I was praying for the talk I would have with my boss I felt the Lord telling me to share with my boss all that was on my heart.
So I took courage and just told her everything. I started with apologizing for being included in gossip and asking for forgivness. I told her how I was tired of my schedule changing all the time and how my time in Los Angeles (missions work) has changed my life and how I miss that kind of work. I told her that I have talked to my Church and asked for a year of practical training. It would also include a year of biblestudy.
Her answer to all of it was that she is so grateful that I talked to her and that the doors are always open for me as long as she will be boss. That working in a Church and doing bible studies sounds much more like me than being a sales woman and that I should keep her updated on my jobsearch.
It was such a heavenly atmosphere...
The thing is I thought I was way to much into being like the world that I couldn't go back. But with being honest and humble and going up to my boss and confessing my sin, I feel like I got a new start and a new chance. It is never to late to go back and to start new.
It is so awesome that God calls us to places even though we fail, even though we mess up. He trusts us to take care of his children. I failed but I got up again. I called upon the name of Jesus while I was sinking in the storm around me and he lifted me up and gave me courage to get up again and do better this time.
Don't be afraid of honesty. Cause there is a blessing on being honest and being different from the world around us.
I hope you have a wonderful rest of the week.
