Truly Beautiful

And again it has been way too long since I have written on my blog. I guess it has been kind of hard to find time for myself in doing worship at church, being a newly wife, the main leader of Beauty Arise, doing a good job at my work place and finding out that I am pregnant=)

All of it is wonderful, but these last weeks I have thought about my relationship with God a lot. I miss the intimacy I used to have in spending time with him. But sometimes it feels like I don't have time and when I have time I don't really feel like getting deep with God because it is really comfortable to not change and just stay the way I am.
So since a few weeks I have startet to do a small devotional everyday. Its only about 5 Minutes. But it feels really good. I think those 5 minutes a day made me more hungry for God.
I want more of God again. But there is also that part in me that pushes me always away from him and I believe it is the view I have of myself.
There was a time when I was really good in loving myself when I looked in the mirror. But I can't remember when I had those feelings the last time.
Since I am pregnant it has gotten way worse. It makes me really sad. Cause thats exactly what I was so passionate about. To encourage girls and women around me. Seriously, I am leading a Ministry thats called Beauty Arise. But since a while I don't feel like beauty is arising when I enter a room. Not because of my looks but because of my heart. It's almost as if I have given up the fight.
I know it all sounds kind of depressing but it is not. I am actually really glad that I am writing this right now. Cause I will not give up. I will start all over again. I will start fighting again when I look in the mirror and I don't like what I see.
I have not been able to encourage other girls and women around me because I was not able to really love myself.
I don't want that. If i stop, the enemy has won and I won't let him win.
Cause I have a wonderful God on my side who has created me so wonderfully. He sees me and celebrates my beauty and I need him more than ever.
So if you feel like I do right now I want to encourage you not to give up. Keep fighting for your beauty cause you are
TRULY BEAUTIFUL!!