New Years Eve!! How nice would it be not to show up alone to another New Years Eve party. Dang, how many more years will it be that way....
Those were my thoughts. I prayed that God would make me feel so beatuiful and NOT alone. My friend picked me up to go to the party and I shared my struggle with her. She was listening and encouraged me.
When I got to our friends house where the party was held, it was filled with people. Of course mostly couples, married people, pregnant wifes and little children. My insecurtiy raised like 100%! Oh and not even 30 minutes after we got there I sat with two married girls and a 3 girl showed up that is in a relationship. She sat down her cheeks glowing. Super excited she tells us how her boyfriend just proposed to her in the morning. I was so happy for them but somehow my heart ached.
I forced a smile and congratulated her. But the only thing I wanted to do was leaving the party and just cry.
Successfully I held back my tears and a little later I talked to my friend agian. The one I shared my struggle with in the car earlier that evening.
Satan wanted to make my evening really terrible. He wanted to make cigarettes, alcohol and seeking my attention in men look really attractive, cause that would have been super comforting in that moment.But God was there with me. He heard my prayer before the party. The Lord knows my heart. And he doesn't let satan get to close to me.
My friend encouraged me again. She told me how she looks up to me. How she desires that relationship I have with the Lord. She said she loves spending time with me cause she feels so uplifted in those times!
A little later I am sitting next to her husband. He tells me how much transformation he has seen in me. He said I left 3 years ago, to go to LA and I came back as a total different person. Obviously he still recognized the way I looked but he hardly recognized me as a person. I have become so different in a positive way! He sees the way I devote my life to the Lord and everytime his wife comes back after hanging out with me she tells him how much of an awesome time she had. He encouraged me that what I am doing is excatly the right thing. That I might still be single but that I am falling in love with God and that I follow him. He sees how other women look up to me and the relationship I have with Jesus!
Later on I was hanging out with my dear friend Hannah! We had so much fun and all of a sudden she looks at me and tells me how beautiful I am. How my beauy comes from the inside out. And that this makes my outer beauty shine even brighter. She told me how good my body looks and how I am not allowed to doubt that fact!!
Seriously God is so good. I was so insecure and felt lonely. And I thought people might have pity on me and think "What?? She is still alone!! Please God give that woman a husband!!". But I don't think that anybody thought stuff that was even close to what I imagined they would. The ones that told me what they think were excactly God's thoughts about me!
Satan is the fahter of lies! Don't give him room to lie to you but listen to the father of truth. His truth is fullfilling and brings joy, confidence and contentment. I am not alone and neither am I desperate. I have desires but I trust in the Lord who wants only the best at the perfect time for me.
So in the time of waiting, I won't just sit around and wait and be sad about it. I will fight those feeling and live the life of fullness. I will devote my life to the Lord and follow him and encourage as much people as possible around me!
Whatever situation you are in, it is a gift God has given you. He wants to teach you something. So sit in class and learn as much as you can cause it will prepare you for the next gift the Lord will give you!!
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