Have you been ever told that you did something not as good as you should have done it, or have you ever been accused for something that you know exactly it wasn't you?!
I am learning a lot about this. First of all, after a long time working in a christian mission organisation where everything is talked through (mostly) in love, is it really hard to get used to the worldly standards of saying things. It is not something like "Hey Dorothea, lets talk for a second, I will pray first bla bla bla....."! Nope it is nothing like that. It is more kind of like "Dorothea you did a really crappy job, and that's not okay. We expect you to get better in this".
The last two days were kind of like that. I got told quite a few times that I did a crapy job and it made me doubt myself like crazy and it made me make even more mistakes..
This afternoon while I was working I told God that I was struggling with this whole job thing and that I just wanted to be liked and loved and to work well.
I was also thinking about the times I got told what we, as team, don't do well and I knew exactly that I did my part right. And I felt the Lord telling me to just say okay and not to defend myself. It was soooooo extremly hard. Cause I think none of us likes to be accused for something that we didn't do.
So in that time of thinking during work, God spoke to me really clearly and I wanted it to share it with you all.
He reminded me of Jesus! He asked me the question "Do you think Jesus liked to be accused by the people he loved sooooo much??" and it hit me. I know he must have hated it. But Jesus just took it upon him. He never defended himself. I wonder if he ever prayed to God and said "Fahter they accuse me for things I have never done and I will never do. Can I just show them how glorious I am and how they have no right to talk to me like that?"...
It says in the bible: "For we don't have a high priest who can't be touched with de feeling of our infirmities, but one who has been in all points tempted like we are, yet without sin. Hebrews 4:15
He knows what I felt today, but when he felt it, he did not sin. No he hung on the cross of his accusers and prayed:
Father forgive them, for they don't know what they are doing... Luke 23:34
I thought of all of this and was so moved by how loving and gracious Jesus is. And then I was frustrated and thought that Jesus was holy so it must have been easier for him, but then the Lord reminded me of my prayer I pray quite often and it is:
"Lord, make me more like Jesus!"
Well God takes our prayers serious and he gives me the chanc
e to become more like Jesus. But to be honest I don't like the process of becoming more like him. It hurts and it takes lots of energy and tears, espacially in my case=)
I guess my prayer looks now more kind of like that:
"Lord, give me grace and strength and love in the process of becoming more like Jesus!"
Be encouraged know that God is the God of second chances and He wants us to become more like Jesus so he will be patient with us in the process of it!!
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