Beauty from Ashes

So the last few weeks I was thinking about my past. Times when I came to a new place and I wanted to impress people. Times I was in a place of speaking in front of a group. I was thinking about what is going through my mind in those moments. Here some thoughts I had in those situations: "How should I give myself to impress them? What would be really smart to say? I really hope they think I look good? Should I be more quiet so people like me? How could I change that they completley accept me?". But I think what I processed most in those last few weeks were times I fell in love. I realized that in the past I compromised some of my standards, just to impress a guy or I tried to change me, my character, the way God made me. I had thoughts like "Maybe he doesn't like my body! No he told me I am beautiful! But why doesn't he like me more than a friend. Oh I think I am to loud. I should be more quiet and interesting. I shouldn't be as extroverted. Maybe I am too holy. I guess I talk about God and his ways way to much. I really gotta figure out what I gotta change to make HIM like me! I guess he would not wait with sex until we get married and he knows that I want to wait. Would he like me if I would sleep with him?".
Those were some thoughts I had in those times. Does that sound familiar to you? Have you had those thoughts before? Isn't it crazy to even spend a second to think like that. Our almighty, loving, all knowing, perfect God calls us his MASTERPIECE and we think about what we could change about ourselves so a person that might not even matter that much in our live could like us a little more. I just think that's crazy. But still we fall into that thinking process over and over again. I guess that really shows that we need God even more. Or at least it helped me to realize that I need him so much more. Cause the world tells me constantly I gotta change. And then I meet a guy and he doesn't like me the way I am. Of course I have to change something. Cause we are in a world that tells you "if you want something, get it no matter what the cost". That's so sad.
I really want to learn to love myself more and more. To be so confident in who I am that I know if someone doesn't like me it is not my fault. It is not something I have to work on. It is because the way God made the other person. And also it is because God has something else for us. Maybe something way different or also maybe to a total different timing than we think is right!
I am really learning to trust the Lord that he made me as his masterpiece. That he was thinking about the perfect plan he has for me when he made me. And that he needs me to be who I am to fulfill this plan!!
So I want to encourage you also to appreciate the way God made you. Appreciate the time he invested of getting your lifeplan ready!! You are perfect and awesome! Believe it!!!

So yesterday I was out with a few friends. I had like an hour to drive home and I was suuuuper tired. The idea of keeping myself awake was praying. So I started praying for the fun time I had out with my friends, their lives, and about the whole process I am learning and wrote about. I listen to some music from an old TV show called "Dawson's Creek". And then the song below came on. It was like God singing a song to me and it made me just laugh!! Here it is: =)