Who Are You?

If I only could understand who God really is!! I really want to. And sometimes it frustrates me that I never will until the day I stand before him. Face to face.

I don't think I would doubt his ways anymore. It wouldn't be hard anymore to just trust.

The last few days as I was praying I asked the Lord "Who are you?? I don't understand you? Why do you love me? Why are you so good to me? What are you??" 

And he answered me....

....The Lord is king! Let the earth rejoice! Let the farthest coastlands be glad. 

Dark clouds surround him.

Righteousness and justice are the foundation of his throne.

Fire spreads ahead of him and burns up all his foes. His lighning flashes out across the world.

The earth sees and trembles.

The mountains melt like wax before the Lord, before the Lord of all the earth.

The heavens proclaim his righteousness; every nation sees his glory.

Those who worship idols are discraced-

all who brag about their worthless gods-

for every god must bow to him.

Jerusalem has heard and rejoiced, all the towns of Judah are glad because of your justice, O Lord!

For you O Lord are supreme over all the earth; you are exalted far above all gods.

You who love the Lord hate evil!

He protects the lives of his godly people and rescues them from the power of the wicked.

Light shines on the godly, and joy on those whose hearts are right.

May all who are godly rejoice in the Lord and praise his holy name!

Psalm 97

I am amazed by this. MOUNTAINS melt like wax before him. The earth sees and trembles....

... He who is so powerful, he who has so much power, he who is holy, actually cares for me. He has plans for me full hope! Sometimes it just seems so unbelievable that there is a God who cares for each and everyone of us. But when I look back on my life I know he does exist. And I get frustrated when I don't trust him. But even in those times the Lord is patient with me and he explains to me that he is Lord over my life.

This morning I drove to work and thought about this Psalm again. And I looked up to the sky. And I saw all those clouds, and the blue sky shining through it at different places. And everything looked so majestic. And still it is such a little part of this whole universe. We are something like the smallest living beings in this universe and HE CARES FOR ME. I guess that explains a little more how indescribable he is. 

I will be okay with not understanding him fully. But I will not stop persueing him. I won't stop asking him who he is, and searching for more of him, until the day when he'll take me home!

Surrender

What does it mean to surrender?

I have been in different situations where I wanted to control. I wanted to know how it is gonna end. Or let's say I still want to do it sometimes, that's why I am writing this post. I want to know what my future is gonna look like. And I start worrying. I know I have talked about not worrying a lot. But I guess I have to learn it over and over again that worries won't bring satisfaction. Nor will they tell me more about my future or how a situation is gonna end or continue. 
I've prayed so many times and still do "Lord I surrender it all to you, my past, my present and my future!". I feel good for like a second but then...

... I go back to my worries.

I surrender everything to my loving father. The one who knows everything. The one who has plans for me that are far more exciting then I could ever imagine. But I still worry. Isn't this unbelievable?!

So I was thinking what surrender means. I thought surrender means "Just let go. Don't do anything and just let God do it".
But this past weekend I feel like God gave me a bigger picture of what it means to surrender. 
It means to give up control, to trust God, that however the situation is gonna look like it will be the best for me. It will be wonderful. It will be after his plan.
To surrender means to REALLY trust God. I surrender, I let go of control and I trust. But in all of it to pray for everything and to believe and to have faith that life is wonderful and it will be wonderful!

To surrender means to be obiedient to God's voice. To listen to him. When I look back and I look at all the times I have been obedient it came out well. But I also look back at different times when I took over control, and I wanted it my way and it didn't come out that well. Of course God taught me lots of things through it. But only because he is so awesome to turn all bad things into good.

So maybe you know all of this already, but maybe you feel the same way as I do. You want to know what life is gonna look like next month or next year. And you have the problem that you fall into the sin of worrying all day long. But in those times, let's just go to God and worship him for who he is and what he has done. I heard it gives a different perspective. For everytime we want to worry let's thank him for a few things. Cause I am sure we have way more things to be thankful for than to worry. 
And I also realized that I can't do it by my own strength. I have to depend on God. And thats exactly what he wants. I think he brings us into different situations that are not clear to us or as easy to go through then others, so we can learn to depend on him and his goodness. He wants us to know that without him we can't do anything.

Yes, I am the vine, you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in the, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing. John 15:5

Walking On Water

I've noticed that I am really good in positive thinking. I see a situation in front of me and I pray and I totally believe everything is gonna be good. Everything will go well and God will totally lead me through it. Like my job. I heard of the job and I started praying like crazy and I just believed that I will get the job. It seemed almost impossible for me to actually get it, but God is bigger then all the circumstances and I got the job. Now I am working since 3 weeks. And I doubt myself a lot. I feel like I will fail or I won't be good enough. But this last weekend God led me to a scripture and a story of the bible. 

The scripture was just so encouraging cause God really knows all my ways and he is doing something new in my life! And I have to hold on to him really closly! And he will carry me through! He will make a way for me!

"For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland." Isaiah 43:19

It is so good to know that God really cares for me and he is always working in my life and I don't have to be afraid. 

The story God led me to is in Matthew 14. It talks about when the disciples were in their boat in the middle of a storm. Jesus comes walking on water. And they are really afraid and think he is a ghost.

But Jesus spoke to them at once. "Don't be afraid," he said. "Take courage, I am here!" Then Peter called to him, "Lord, if it's really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water."

"Yes, come," Jesus said. So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus. But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink. "Save me, Lord!" he shouted. Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. You have so little faith," Jesus said. " Why did you doubt me?"

That's so me.... I have a situation in front of me, like the job or something like that. And I am totally excited and I say "Jesus we can do it. Even if there will be a storms, we can go through it! I can do anything with you!" But then I see clouds coming. And I get a little stressed. And when the waves are crashing in, I am terriefied. But I don't want to be like that anymore. I want to get out of the boat and run on the water. ONLY looking straight into the eyes of Jesus. I don't want to look to the left or right. Cause there are the waves and the wind. They only distract me. When I only look into Jesus's eyes I will be so focused on his strength and his power and totally forget about the waves. 

So if you are in a situation surrounded by a storm, but you are walking on the water already. Don't focus your eyes on the waves around you. You have made the first step. Just keep your eyes on Jesus and walk forward, step by step. You will get there without sinking!!

Heaven On Earth

Two weeks ago I started my new Job. I was trained in a different location then my actual workplace! I have been learning a lot of new things and it seemes like I can’t get anything else into my brain=) But I guess I still don’t know all of the things I am supposed to know. And tomorrow l will start at my actual work place. I will be the store manager of a women’s clothing store called Chicorée. I was super nervous. I worried that I won’t be good enough and that I would fail. That I wouldn’t lead in a godly way. But today I was on a walk with God and I just talked to him about it. Oh and he reminded me of how he has chosen me for this job. He will be the actual store manager and not me. He will work through me and he will love through me. I won’t always be able to do everything and that’s why I depend on him. He again showed me today, that He is in charge over everything. He has chosen me for this job, because He believes in me. He knows that I won’t be able to do everything perfect but God doesn’t look for the able ones but for the available ones. So I am available with the knowledge that I might fail sometimes. But only to grow stronger and get better in what I do!

So with all those thoughts and worries I prayed a lot for God’s kingdom to come. I prayed that the Lord will bring heaven on earth. I thought of what it would look like to have heaven on earth. And I realized that God chooses us believers for jobs like mine. So we can lead in godly ways. God places us in different situations so we can handle it with the love of Jesus Christ. It has become really important for me to be different. I want to see heaven on earth. But God wants to use me to make it happen. He could do it alone but for some strange reasons he has chosen us people as his tools to bring heaven on earth. So I thought of daily things I could do, to make a difference and live a kingdom life! I just smiled at people in the morning and greeted them. Sometimes they looked at me like I am from a different planet. It was so amusing to see the responses of all those people in the morning. Or I waited for the train. And everybody wants to get in the train first to get the best seat. And I felt like God told me to wait and let other people go in first, cause they deserve the best seat as much as I do. And I did, and the Lord still provided a good seat for me. I know those are just little things. But if we are not faithful in the little things like honoring the people around us, how can God trust us with bigger things!

I really want to see the Kingdom of God. But not when I get to heaven. I want to see it here and now! And want to see heaven here on earth and to see this I gotta value and honor the people around me. I need to use the authority God has given me with love and humility!

So I encourage you to ask the Lord what part you play in bringing heaven on earth! Help me to pray for an awakening! I want to see every generation on their knees praising God! I want to see all the nations give glory to our King in heaven! Be blessed during this week and use the authority God has given you. Ask him for wisdom how and when to use it!

The Power Of Words

Yesterday I was out with a good friend of mine. We just talked about life and torts the end we started talking about the power of our words!

So I would love to share some stuff God has been teaching me about the power of words!

First of all he has started a process in me a long time ago of speaking truth over myself. Isn’t it true that we look at ourselves in the mirror and tons of thoughts come up. Maybe things people have called us. Things we have called ourselves. We might see a failure.. But that isn’t true. I had to learn to speak life over myself and not death. I used to say things over myself that I am not good enough, not beautiful enough, that I can’t sing as good as someone else. I called myself fat, ugly, a failure and lots of other things. But there was a point when God told me really strongly that I have to stop with that. So I started speaking truth over myself. In the beginning it was really hard to call myself a good singer, or beautiful, or worth to be persued,  or even loved by God. But the more I told myself this truth, the more I believed it and it was easier to say it again.

And because God has put me in this process he has also given me the authority to teach other girls this truth. I am so angry at the devil. I am so sad to see girls calling themselves names! I am so tired of seeing girls starve cause they try to fit into the picture of the worldly beauty….

The second thing about the power of words that God has been teaching me, is to speak life over the people around me. A few weeks ago God challenged me to only speak good things about other people. If they're not life giving I should just not say anything at all. He told me if the person I was talking about would hear me, would this person be encouraged or discouraged! That was a hard one and it still is. I have to bit my tongue a lot. Cause it is so easy to speak out what we think when we are frustrated about someone. It really helps sometimes to go to someone and just let it out. But what if we let out those frustration at the feet of Jesus?! He understands us. And He can handle our words and our anger. Just last week I know I have been failing in this. Cause I have started my new job and there was so much to learn. And sometimes I felt not understood by the people who taught me and I got mad. And I just wanted to go to a friend and tell them how bad these people treated me and I did. 

I am glad that it is not the end of the world. Cause God’s grace never ends. I am glad that I have a God of second chances and I will defenetely try to be better this week. And the best thing is I don’t have to do it alone. God is with me and he will give me strength and self-control!!

And the third thing he is teaching me is, to speak truth over my future. So often we pray for things but when we talk about it to our friends, we talk as if it’ll never happen anyways. Or we constantly worry about it or complain.

For example, you might work at a place and your boss is treating you terribly. You start to pray that the Holy Spirit will change her/his heart. But whenever you talk about it you say “I pray for it but it it will never change”!

Or you have a husband who isn’t as strong in his walk with God like you desire him to be. You pray that the Holy Spirit will touch his heart and raise him up to a leader, but when you meet up with your girls you constantly complain how he never changes!

Or I hear lots of girls saying that they pray for their future husband to come. But when they talk about it they say something like “oh I might die as an old virgin”, or “there are no good men out there”!

God takes our words very serious. We gotta be careful with what we say. But we can ask God to give us new perspective on situations. And we can ask him for faith. But we also gotta work on our words and we gotta learn to control our tongues!!

Be encouraged and really start speaking truth. Bring heaven on earth with your words and encourage the people around you with your words and attitude.

The tongue can bring death or life. Those who love to talk will reap the consequences. Proverbs 18.21

But the words you speak come from the heart, that’s what defiles you. Matth. 15:18

Those who control their tongue will have a long life. Opening your mouth can ruin everything. Proverbs 13.3

Kind words are like honey – sweet to the soul and healthy for the body. Proverbs 16:24

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my roch and my redeemer. Psalm 19.14

Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that wou will have the right response for everyone! Colossians 4.6

Don't Worry!! Just BELIEVE!!

I just want to start this post with a story that just happened in my life!
I was looking for a job. I prayed and told God what kind of Job I would like to have. And some of the main points were: store manager, close to where I live, women clothes, and a few more..
I got a Job and I will be store manager of a women clothes store called Chicorée. It is 10 minutes away from my home and just pretty amazing.
First I didn't even apply for this position. I didn't even know about it. And the during the interview, I shared my interest in being a store manager, and then they told me about it. So the whole process of applying, interview, test working and waiting for their respond went on for like 4 weeks. It is short but it felt so long. But from the beginning I had such peace and when I talked about the Job, I just declared that I will get this Job!! There was one day of doubt. But then I talked with a friend of mine and she said "those times of waiting are hard but it depends on the attitude of our hearts"!! It was totally what I needed. I knew if God wants me to have the Job I will get it. But I still prayed for it and I continued to declare that I will have it and I BELIEVED! Now I look back and I am so happy. Cause if I would've worried the whole time, I think I wouldn't be as happy as I am now. I tell you it is way more fun to get a prayer answered when you believe instead of worry!!

Here some worries I have/had and I've heard people share, and Gods answers to all those worries!

We might say: "God I don't have a job, please I need a job. What should I do all day long, if I don't have one?"
He says: "The harvest is plentyfull but the workers are few." Matthew 9:37
I know we need a job. But listen, in the time you are looking for a job work for his Kingdom. It is right in front of you and it says in Matthew 6:33 "Seek the Kingdom of God above all else and live rightously and he will give you everything you need!"

We say: "Lord I need new clothes. I am tired of my old ones! Please help me!"
He says: "And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don't work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith??" Matthew 6:28-29

Some of us worry about when we'll be getting married or if we are getting to old to have kids.
But God is the Author of time and it says in his word: "But I am trusting you, O Lord, saying, "you are my God". My future is in your hands." Psalm 31:14-15

We tell ourselves: "I don't think I have a big enough impact in God's Kingdom!"
But the truth is written and it says: "I tell you the truth, anyone who believes in me will do the same works I have done, and even greater works, because I am going to be with the Father!" John 14:12

"What if my life will be boring??"
God gives the answer to this one too: "For I know the plans I have for you. Plans for good not for disaster. Plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremaiah 29:11

"But God, my past!! Will I ever be able to forget, forgive or change?"
He says: "Dear one, anyone who belongs to me has become a new person. The old life is gone, and the new life has begun." 2. Corinthians 5:17

"God do you really love me? I am not worthy of your love, am I really your Child?"
And he responds right back: "I sent him(Jesus) to buy freedom for you who were slaves to the law, so that I can adopt you as my very own children....
....Now you are no longer a slave but but my own child. And since you are my child, I have made you my heir." Galations 4:5+7

"Sometimes I wonder if the Lord even hears my prayers!"
And the truth is written: "And we are confident that he hears us whenever we ask for anything that pleases him. And since we know he hears us when we make our requests we also know that he will give us what we ask for." 1.John 5:14-15

So I just want to encourage you with two more scriptures. First, please try to worry less and to pray more. Cause that's what God wants us to do.
"Don't worry about anything, instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him fo al he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand, His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

And second, when you pray have faith and believe that the things you pray for will actually happen. It is so powerful and God is really challenging me to pray for things that seem impossible. And I am scared of getting disappointed. And you know what, God will not answer all the prayers the way I want to and he might even say NO sometimes, but it doesn't change the fact that he is God. Loving, patient, kind, graceful and he has still the best plan for us!!
"Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen. It gives us assurance about things we cannot see!" Hebrews 11:1
Be blessed and dream and pray BIG!!!!

Don't Awaken Love Until It's Right

Last night I was laying in bed! Just thinking about the way I have fallen in love with my God. It happened the last 3-4 months. I can only guess it was the grace of God that let it happen. Cause I've tried to fall in love with Jesus before. I thought it has to work the way we fall in love with the opposite sex. I thought it would feel the same to fall in love with God. Cause it is the only thing I can compare it to right?! So I've tried many times not to look at guys anymore and just forcing myself to have butterflies thinking about God. It never really worked and I ended up being so empty cause id didn't give me the attention I desired. But like I said IT didn't give me the attention. Of course it wouldn't, cause I was so interested in what I could get and so focused on forcing myself not to be human, instead of just being interested in God as my friend and lover. But we are humans and God made us and the opposite sex. And it is okay to look and to get to know someone. But we cannot live by it. It cannot rule our lives. God put the desire of not being alone into our hearts and he will fulfill it at the right time.

I pushed myself to fall in love with God the same way I would fall in love with a guy, and it didn't work over and over again. I got so frustrated and dissappointed. I thought something is wrong with me and I will never be content with just being single and it scared me!! It litteraly scared the crap out of me! Cause you know how people say "you know when I finally was done with relationships and I was just content with God, He brought my spouse into my life"! And I just thought to myself, I guess I will be alone my whole life. Cause I've said many times I am done and I've tried to fall in love with God but it didn't work. So I guess my destiny is to feel alone and to struggle with everything that comes with loneliness and I will die as an old virgin.

But then in the fall 2012, like some of you know, I went to YWAM LA for another quarter(the last one for a while). I was super frustrated about myself and I felt like a failure and just not content with who I am and where I was at, at that point. But I surrendered it all to God AGAIN. I didn't hold anything back. I was so done with everything! I surrendered my failure, my addiction to cigarettes, my loneliness, my struggles and my insecurities. And He challenged me in lots of ways. Here are a few main points. He told me if I would lose everything and eveybody on this earth I still gotta be content cause I have him. That was a big thing I had to go through. Even if I have so much and no one died or anything like that I hade to face the fact that it might happen someday. Or if everybody turns their back on me I have to be content with JUST God. And I said "God I am ready. I am content with just you, whatever it takes!" Then He taught me lots about my beauty and identity in Him. God told me that the fact that I am beautiful and his royal princess is a fact not to be changed. And it doesn't depend on an opinion of a guy I think is cute. That was also hard and painful. Cause it feels stinking great if a cute guy tells me I am beautiful. And it isn't wrong but I depended on it for so long that I had to let go of it. God thinks I am beautiful and that's enough. Cause what if a cute guy would say I am ugly. I would eventually believe it. God in his grace taught me step by step to focus my eyes on him. He didn't expect of me not to look at good looking men anymore but to focus my eyes and heart on him of whats true about myself!And in this whole process of learning I have fallen in love with him. Cause I have focused on him as a friend and not as someone who can give me something. So I asked God for a scripture this morning that would go with this post and before I was done praying He gave me Song of Songs 3. Hahahah and it is perfect! God is so good!

One night as I lay in bed, I yearned for my lover. I yearned for him, but he did not come. So I said to myself, "I will get up and roam the city, Sarching in all its streets and squares, I will search for the one I love." So I searched everywhere but did not find him. The watchmen stopped me as they made their rounds, and I asked, "Have you seen the one I love?" Then scarcely had I left them when I found my love! I caught and held him tightly, then I brought him to my mother's House, into my mother's bed, where I had been conceived. Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, by the gazelles and wild deer, not to awaken love until the time is right! Song of Songs 3: 1-5

It fits cause so many nights I felt alone and thought of when I will be able to share my bed with someone! I felt ampty and unloved. I ran around looking for my lover but he was always right with me! Then I found him and took him home to my parents's house and when I lay in bed now I just feel content and loved. And if you believe it or not I get sometimes butterflies when I think about God.

Women and men, don't awaken love until it's right. I believe now, that God will awaken love in our hearts if we trust him and ask for wisdom in every step we take. And if the right man or woman has arrived in our lives He will certainly awaken love in our hearts and give us the green light to be persued or persue!!