Have you been ever told that you did something not as good as you should have done it, or have you ever been accused for something that you know exactly it wasn't you?!

I am learning a lot about this. First of all, after a long time working in a christian mission organisation where everything is talked through (mostly) in love, is it really hard to get used to the worldly standards of saying things. It is not something like "Hey Dorothea, lets talk for a second, I will pray first bla bla bla....."! Nope it is nothing like that. It is more kind of like "Dorothea you did a really crappy job, and that's not okay. We expect you to get better in this".
The last two days were kind of like that. I got told quite a few times that I did a crapy job and it made me doubt myself like crazy and it made me make even more mistakes..

This afternoon while I was working I told God that I was struggling with this whole job thing and that I just wanted to be liked and loved and to work well.
I was also thinking about the times I got told what we, as team, don't do well and I knew exactly that I did my part right. And I felt the Lord telling me to just say okay and not to defend myself. It was soooooo extremly hard. Cause I think none of us likes to be accused for something that we didn't do.
So in that time of thinking during work, God spoke to me really clearly and I wanted it to share it with you all.
He reminded me of Jesus! He asked me the question "Do you think Jesus liked to be accused by the people he loved sooooo much??" and it hit me. I know he must have hated it. But Jesus just took it upon him. He never defended himself. I wonder if he ever prayed to God and said "Fahter they accuse me for things I have never done and I will never do. Can I just show them how glorious I am and how they have no right to talk to me like that?"...
It says in the bible: "For we don't have a high priest who can't be touched with de feeling of our infirmities, but one who has been in all points tempted like we are, yet without sin. Hebrews 4:15

He knows what I felt today, but when he felt it, he did not sin. No he hung on the cross of his accusers and prayed:

Father forgive them, for they don't know what they are doing... Luke 23:34

I thought of all of this and was so moved by how loving and gracious Jesus is. And then I was frustrated and thought that Jesus was holy so it must have been easier for him, but then the Lord reminded me of my prayer I pray quite often and it is:

"Lord, make me more like Jesus!"

Well God takes our prayers serious and he gives me the chanc
e to become more like Jesus. But to be honest I don't like the process of becoming more like him. It hurts and it takes lots of energy and tears, espacially in my case=)
I guess my prayer looks now more kind of like that:

"Lord, give me grace and strength and love in the process of becoming more like Jesus!"

Be encouraged know that God is the God of second chances and He wants us to become more like Jesus so he will be patient with us in the process of it!!

It has been way too long again since I've written a post on here. Life has been busy and to be honest I love having a full agenda. But it also makes it hard for me as super extrovert to just step back and get some time alone or write a blog=)

Lots of things have happened in this last 1-2 months. I have realized that I was super overwhelmed with my job as store manager. On my days off I couldn't really relax. I was always afraid of what the next week might bring. When my brother got married, ( yes he married a wonderful woman and I am so excited to see where God will take the two of them) I was off of work for for days. On the first day I got a call from a boss and she wasn't pleased with me. You gotta understand, I put my whole energy into the store and tried my best, but I was really overwhelmed. Well, after the call I was so said and I pretty much cried all night long. The next day on my brothers actual wedding day I was able to turn of my thoughts. And the day was beautiful!

But on day 3 and 4 I couldn't stop thinking about my job. I thought if I would quit the job as store manager I would give up, or run away or just be a failure. But then I thought of continue to fight and I didn't have peace about it either. I met with a good friend of mine and one of the helpers of Beauty Arise Switzerland. She asked me lots of questions. Questions I didn't want to hear or didn't want to answer.
She told me that she knows I can do it and that I always stand up for others and myself and she doesn't get why I would give up now. I couldn't answer it... but then she said another comment/questions. And I didn't want to hear it, it sounded something like that: "since a month you have been talking more about going back into missions and going back to LA and I feel like since then you lost more strength to fight for the job."

DANG...!! I didn't want to hear it. I felt like it was so right to be in switzerland and stay here. I am investing my time and heart in my church, into my friends and into Beauty Arise! I am working and building relationships and still the desire to go back into missions didn't leave me. So I told her that I feel like I will go back into missions someday rather sooner than later. And that investing all of my time and energy into my job breaks my heart when I think about all the times I could invest in family and friends espacially cause those days might be counted.... The only thing my friend answered was "I think we all know you will leave again but we try to ignore it because we don't like it out of selfish ways, we just want you here." ( I love her!!!)

The next day I went to work and called my boss and told her that I would like to step back, keep working for them but not as store manager. Her answer was that she felt that I was overwhelmed and she wanted to make me an offer. So I was freed from the position as store manager on pretty much the same day and got offered to work in a different location like 5 minutes from my house.
As soon I wasn't in the position anymore I felt a big weight falling off of me. I feel like I am able to enjoy my days off again. It seems like I can FULLY enjoy the times with my friends and families cause there isn't the thought in the back of my mind what I gotta do at work next week.

So I hope I am not making you feel bored by reading all of this. But I guess why I wrote it is I needed time to process and writing it down helps sometimes. AND there is a scripture in Romans 8:28 and it says God works everything together for good, for those who love him. It makes sense to me. Cause I don't know if it was the right decision to leave Ywam LA last fall. I thought so. And seriously I have never felt as close to God as I feel right now.
Was it right to step back as store manager? I don't know but I trust God that he will work it toghether for my good cause I do love him!
Is it his plan that I will go back to LA one day? Again, I don't know. The only thing I know is that I treasure every minute with my loved ones here cause there is a desire for me to go back into missions. I can't deny it. People around me see it and feel it and tell me. I can feel it. My brother and his wife who were hanging out with my friends in LA on their honeymoon told me they think my place is there. Do I like it?

I LOVE IT and at the same time I HATE IT!
I love it cause it gives me assurance that it might be God's plan for me to serve him in LA. I love it cause I have wonderful friends over there that miss me and want to work with me. I love it cause I loved every day that I worked with YWAM! I loved it cause I have been to places that I've never dreamed of seeing. I love it cause I can spend time with people who need God desperetly
BUT I HATE IT cause it means to leave my friends here. It means to not be with my family. It means to not celebrate birthdays with them. It means to not always celebrate christmas with them. It means that I might not experience the birth of all my nephews and nieces. It means I can just call my mom and dad or brothers and sister or friends to say "hey can I step by really quick, I want to see you! It means that I won't see my cute little Godson grow older!
Sometimes I asked God why he has put missions on my heart. Cause it might be possible that I feel torn apart the rest of my life cause I have to families on two sides of the world. I will always miss one or the other. But he also might know that I can handle it. And maybe he has much bigger plans for me cause I only see what I can imagine but he can defenetely surpass my imagination! And I will trust him!!

I hope these words or the story of my life somehow encourages you in your walk with God! Cause he IS faithful!!

Learn to dance in the rain, glorify his name, and get yourself some good friends

The other day I was talking to a friend and he showed me a picture with this phrase on it. I don't think it was anything deep we talked in that moment. I guess we talked about the weather cause it is pretty much raining since weeks here in switzerland.. And all of you who know me, know that I LOOOOOOVE the sun. I love being outside, going for walks and last but not least TANING!!=) But I haven't been able to do a lot of any of these things. It has gotten on my nerves that it was raining so much.
So back to this saying. I just couldn't get it out of my head. Cause isn't it like this in any area of our lives. We are in a season but most of the times we wana be in the next season already. We spend so much of our time thinking about the future. But like it is said on this picture 

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, but about learning to dance in the rain."

or 

"If we wait for the sun to come out, we might miss the chance to dance in the rain"

It has made me think of my life. So many times I just wanted to storm to pass. But I forgot learning to dance in the rain.
I think in whatever season we are in in our lives we are waiting for something. Isn't it true?! And waiting is defeneteley not one of my favorite things at all. If there would be a dislike button on waiting I would be the first person to press it!!
Hahaha and God is so awesome cause he is training me in waiting. But I think he is showing me more and more what it means to dance in those waiting seasons. I don't know, maybe you have a season of waiting. And it feels for you like it is raining aaaaall day long and you are just desperate for the sun to come out. But what would it look like if you would just get out and dance in the rain. I am really trying to figure out what it means for me to dance in the rain right now. I guess it is to get to the heart of God and get his perspective on things. It is to trust him with all that I am and it is...

TO GLORIFY HIS NAME IN WHATEVER I DO...

This brings me to the next point I have on my heart! I can't get over the fact that my live has the ability to glorify the name of the Lord. But it is my desicion if I let my life to be glorifying to him or not.
But it defenteley helps me in my daily choices. I have heard a message about it. The preacher talked about the will of God and what he wants us to do. And sometimes he calls us specificly to do something. But I guess many times he lets us choose what we would like to do. But it isn't as hard as it seems do decide  sometimes. I think we gotta ask ourselves one question and that is:

WILL IT GLORIFY THE NAME OF THE LORD!

It really helps me in times of decisions. Not only big decisions but also daily life decisions. Like the way I talk about my co workers, friends or family members. The way I think or the things I meditate over all day long.
I just ask myself during the day "Was this just glorifying the Lord or was it just good for me and my ego?" Often it is the second. It was just good for me. But there are days and times when I can say "yes Lord I think this was glorifying to you"
But we shouldn't be discouraged cause we are only humans. We are not perfect. But the thought just helps me so much to be faithful to God!

I really hope you get my heart and it was encouraging for you!

The last thing I want to tell you today is, if it is hard for you to walk your way with God, surround yourself with friends that help you in your walk. Friends you can meditate with over biblescriptures. Friends you can talk, pray and also have fun with. Cause I really believe community brings us closer to God!!

Be blessed!!!

The past is history

Again it has been a long time since the last time a posted a new blog. I have just been crazy busy and didn’t find time to sit down and actually process my thoughts and post it on my blog!

I think there are two things that I have been working through the last 2 weeks….

1.  The past is history, the future is a mystery but the present is a gift!

A friend of mine told me that. I mean I have heard it before but I was so good to hear it again!

Have you ever found it difficult to enjoy the present. Cause there is so much that happened in the past and you think about what you would change if you could go back, but at the same time your thankful that it happened cause it made you to the person you are now.

So we think about our past mistakes and we are so afraid that we might do them again in the future. And we really don’t want to do the same mistakes again. Yet we are super busy thinking about the future and all the things that could happen that we totally forget about the present!

Right now!! What is happening in my life right now? Where am I at?? I have tons of good friends around me and I am able to spend time with time invest in their lives and learn from them and what they’re going through in their lives.

I have my family around me. And can visit them whenever I want and whenever I have time for it. I am able to spent lots of time with my parents and just enjoy their presence. I am starting a new ministry Beauty Arise, and I have a good job position. And even if I struggle many days with insecurities that I am not good enough for the job I will push through and trust God that he will give me the strength to keep going. So I have so many options to be a light in the world why should I constantly think about my past that is history or my future that is a mystery!

I should rather think about the present and how I can bless the people around me and how I can prepare myself not to make the same mistakes of my past in the future again! And I should enjoy every second of life cause I won’t get back any moment of my life. So I decided to treasure each day even if it might be hard. But even in hardships God is teaching me things and making me more like him!!

2. Have you ever felt like the past is hunting you??

This is kind of what I felt these last few weeks. That’s probably why I had a hard time to treasure the present!

For around 2 weeks I had the hardest time not to go to a gas station and get myself some cigarettes. This last week, has been way better, what made me really happy. Then I thought I am over this stupid habit of going out to seek my attention in guys. But last Friday I was out with a friend and there were so many guys I had a crush on in my past. I mean I was not in love with them. It was just a crush and the desire to be loved. But like 5 of them were there. It was like the past slaped me in my face. And I totally felt the same thing again. I was in the bar and I could feel the hunger of wanting the attention, wanting to be accepted and mostly wanting to be persued. I went back home and I felt so empty. Then on Sunday I had to sing in church and I just didn’t feel like standing on the stage and singning about how much I love God, when I was just out and wanting the attention of guys who don’t love God at all. So I decided to get up super early on Sunday morning and get back to the heart of God. Giving up all my rights and surrendering all my struggles again. Coming back to the foot of the cross and ask for forgiveness and new strength in this battle of the unseen world! And it felt so good.

But after I prayed it was not that the desire of attention just left me. Actually not at all. But I knew that I surrendered it and I told God that I can’t do it alone and that I need his help in this battle.

I won’t give up and I hope that you won’t give up either. I know it is hard. I totally feel you. But keep pushing through it and it will get easier with time. I don’t say it will ever stop here on earth. But with every time our struggles come back we know how to handle it better and how to respond to it!

Don’t be afraid of temptation. Cause temptation will hunt us until we stand in the presence of the Lord. Satan will not stop trying to pull us away from God until we die.

But be aware of what you do when you are tempted. Are you tempted and you start compromise o r do you rebuke it when it gets into your life?!

I would love to tell you that I rebuke temptation everytime it hits me. But it would be a big lie. But I won’t stop fighting against it. And I will get up again after everytime I fall flat on my face=)

Be encouraged and don’t give up!!!

Just yesterday I remebered that I have a blog that I want to update every week. These past 3 weeks have been crazy. I was so busy and didn't really get enough sleep! Yet, God totally carried me through it.
But it is defenetley the reason why I haven't posted anything on here for so long!

Like you guys know, I have been working with the Beauty Arise Ministy in Los Angeles. A ministry that helps women finding their true identity in God and speaking truth into their lives!
So when I came back to Switzerland in December, I sat down with different women and shared with them the vision of Beauty Arise. 4 of them joined the team and we have been starting to plan our first event. Just last thursday (one day before our first event) we had a 5th girl asking if she could be able to help and we welcomed her in our team!

Seriously our first event was so amazing. Around 30 women came and we all had a really good time. The 5 women of the team all shared a little testimony how God has transformed us and why we have a heart and a passion for women finding their identity in God. The 6th girl of the team will get another chance to share her awesome story but it would have been to spontanious for her to share already cause we just welcomed her in the team. But she did a wonderful job helping and serving us!!

We got so many positiv responses to the whole evening. After the event a few girls and me went out. One of the the girls said she was so touched by each and every story. And on sunday when I went to church some of the girls that came, walked up to me and said that they really enjoyed it. And one offered her help for a next event or something! God is so good!

So that's a little update of how everything went. But these weeks, while I was working as a store manager and preparing this Beauty Arise Event I felt often so weak. And sometimes I felt like it doesn't make sense what I'm doing. It was defently Satan trying to destroy something great! So often it scares me. to be in the position I am at. As a store manager the bad of the store weights on my shoulders. But the good mostly weights on the team. It is often like that..
In Beauty Arise I stand in front of people and share my heart and my life with these women. I tell them about my struggles and my victories. I have realized it is a good place to be but also super hard.
I know people watch me everywhere..(Not in a creepy way) Just the other day a friend from a gocery store of the mall where I am working at told me "Hey my friend told me you have a beautiful voice, she has heard you sing in church". I thought it was really fun cause I had no clue who she is. And it gave me also the realization that people can see me. They watch what I am doing.

The last week I was struggeling really hard with the desire to smoke cigarettes. I was just stressed and tired and the thought of smoking a cigarette seemed so relaxing. But seriously, the only thing that held me back the whole time was that I knew that people watch me.
I have a responsabilty on my shoulder that I am proud of but that is hard to have sometimes. But it gives me accountability. I can't just think about myself anymore. People look up to me or see me, when I don't see them. They want to see if I live what I "preach"!

God has been challenging me through this process and I am so thankful. Hahaha but I am a little tired, and sometimes I really just want to do what I feel like to do, but I gotta remember that I can change people's lives in the way I live and depend on God.

I really hope any of these words made sense to you. Cause I was processing my thoughts and the feelings of my heart. And they're really confusing sometimes!

May God bless you and remind you espacially these next days of his never ending grace.

The Beauty Arise Switzerland Crew=)

(Stefanie Urech, Me, Stefanie von Arx->the newest member, Fabienne Hunziker,

Nicole Hunziker, Janine Silva Cunha)

 Fellowship and food, the best combination

Me explaining the beginning of Beauty Arise and the vision of it.

The snacks for the event. We had defentley more then enough=)

The gift of friendships

I have been reflecting on my life a little bit!

I look back and see how God has blessed me with such awesome friends over and over again. It has not always been easy for me. I am such a relational person and most who know me know that I would love to be a wife rather sooner then later =) But God's plans for us are most of the times so different than our own plans. I have seen lots of my friends getting married and having babies. And even this summer 3 of my close girlfriends are getting married. 

So you can imagine that it is challenge for me to trust God with my future. Cause sometimes I defenetley have thoughts like, "God have you forgotten about me? Didn't you put the desire in my heart to get married and have kids? So why do you let me wait for so long? Oh well another SAFE THE DATE card! Maybe there is something wrong with me! Do I have too high expectations?"

These thoughts are all just lies from Satan. So I try not to give it too much of my time. But they still want to overtake my thinking at times.

But in all of this time of waiting and doubting, the Lord has placed many awesome friends in my life. I am so thankful for all of them. I know that the Lord has not forgotten me. He knows the desires of my heart. But he also knows that it is not the right time yet so he gives me tons of awesome girls to walk with me in all those seasons of hoping and growing. 

I think friendships really are a gift. A heavenly gift. And we gotta treasure this gift. Friends can hurt us. I know, but we also can hurt friends. I think we just have to be really humble. We have to forgive. Even if we don't want to forgive at times. But Jesus said forgive 7x70. So let's forgive, if we are mad. Cause God has given friends to us so they can carry us through hard times. But he has also given us friends so they can be excited with us.

He has given us friends to laugh with but also to cry with. We really have to take care of our friendships. Cause it is soooooooo valueable. 

Jesus is our great example of how to do friendships. We can look at the way he treated his disciples, but also so many people he didn't even know. And he also wants a friendship with us. He doesn't want us to have quiet time every morning just so it is done. He wants US!! OUR TIME! He wants to be included. He wants to laugh and cry with us. So he gives us friends here on earth. It is not complicated to have friends. We just have to value them more then ourselves. We have to put them first. I guess that's a little harder. But we can ask the Lord to help us. We can ask him to make us more like Jesus. And then we just love our friends. We invest in their lives.

So if you might have a hard time being single and waiting for your spouse, or you are fighting with one of your friends or everything is just going well, cherish the friendships God has given you. Cause no one can take those friendships away from you. You can learn so much from your friends and you can be an example to them! Be thankful for your friends and love on them.

So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. John 13:34

(Sarah Faye: Georgia! I staffed her DTS and we fell in love with eachother=) in a really pure way of course. We live on different continets but still we message eachother and pray for each other. )

(Steffi, Debi, Mary! 3 Sisters! Debi and me are close friends since over 10 years. So I also know her sisters ... We all got older and the age difference doesn't really matter anymore. So we all became super good friends and I am so thankful for those 3 women of God. It is ha gift to have them in my life)

(Steffi: We used to go to school together but never really talked too much. Around 4 years ago we met and started hanging out. It kind of endet up in a fight over a boy: A few weeks ago she messaged me on facebook. We met, and it was like the fight was forgotten. I mean we talked about it and we both apologized for our mistakes and we forgave. Now we are growing together with God and learn what it means to have our contenment in Christ)

(Jessica: Met her at Ywam La: We only started being super close friends after we knew eachother for 2 years. Crazy. But God has allowed us to deepen our friendship even if we live 1000 of miles apart from eachother)

There are tons of stories/pictures I would love to post but it would take a little too long! But I think you know what I am trying to say.

I want to encourage you to cherish your friendships. Make new friends and forgive your friends who have hurt you. It is worth it!

I love you guys and I am so thankful that you are reading my blog. It encourages me to keep doing what I'm doing!!

In Your Love

There's nothing I want more then to be in your love......

....My BIGGEST desire is to be in God's love. To be in his presence. To be in his loving arms.

But sometimes I get caught up with life, different situations or I face challenges. I get distracted and somehow lose focus on the one who gives me peace about everything. There is a reason why Jesus is called the prince of peace=).

This morning during my quiet time it hit me again, how desperate I am to be in the presence of the Lord.

I felt him saying: "Look into my eyes. Don't be ashamed because you got distracted by life, I understand.... But I want you to look into my eyes and see the thoughts and the love I have for you!!"

I am so overwhelmed by how gracious our loving Father is. So often we get distracted, or run away or just want our own will to happen, but then we realize that God is so much bigger. He sees the full picture. We turn back to him and he waits for us with open arms. And even in those times when we feel like we turn away, the Lord is right by our side and knocks on the door of our heart. He doesn't leave us nor forsake us. But we have our own will to turn to him and to open the door for him.

Often I just want to change myself. I try to be better, to trust more, to not worry and enjoy the day without thinking of tomorrow. But I can try as hard as I want, the one that can change me is only God. I have to fully depend on him and his grace. Cause he says:

"My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. 2. Corinthians 12:9

I am depended on God. And that's why I desire nothing more then to be in his holy presence forever. That's the reason why I want to be in his love sooooo bad. So that He will continue to change me and make me more like Jesus -> the one that set me free and leads me to new freedom day after day!

Who Are You?

If I only could understand who God really is!! I really want to. And sometimes it frustrates me that I never will until the day I stand before him. Face to face.

I don't think I would doubt his ways anymore. It wouldn't be hard anymore to just trust.

The last few days as I was praying I asked the Lord "Who are you?? I don't understand you? Why do you love me? Why are you so good to me? What are you??" 

And he answered me....

....The Lord is king! Let the earth rejoice! Let the farthest coastlands be glad. 

Dark clouds surround him.

Righteousness and justice are the foundation of his throne.

Fire spreads ahead of him and burns up all his foes. His lighning flashes out across the world.

The earth sees and trembles.

The mountains melt like wax before the Lord, before the Lord of all the earth.

The heavens proclaim his righteousness; every nation sees his glory.

Those who worship idols are discraced-

all who brag about their worthless gods-

for every god must bow to him.

Jerusalem has heard and rejoiced, all the towns of Judah are glad because of your justice, O Lord!

For you O Lord are supreme over all the earth; you are exalted far above all gods.

You who love the Lord hate evil!

He protects the lives of his godly people and rescues them from the power of the wicked.

Light shines on the godly, and joy on those whose hearts are right.

May all who are godly rejoice in the Lord and praise his holy name!

Psalm 97

I am amazed by this. MOUNTAINS melt like wax before him. The earth sees and trembles....

... He who is so powerful, he who has so much power, he who is holy, actually cares for me. He has plans for me full hope! Sometimes it just seems so unbelievable that there is a God who cares for each and everyone of us. But when I look back on my life I know he does exist. And I get frustrated when I don't trust him. But even in those times the Lord is patient with me and he explains to me that he is Lord over my life.

This morning I drove to work and thought about this Psalm again. And I looked up to the sky. And I saw all those clouds, and the blue sky shining through it at different places. And everything looked so majestic. And still it is such a little part of this whole universe. We are something like the smallest living beings in this universe and HE CARES FOR ME. I guess that explains a little more how indescribable he is. 

I will be okay with not understanding him fully. But I will not stop persueing him. I won't stop asking him who he is, and searching for more of him, until the day when he'll take me home!

Surrender

What does it mean to surrender?

I have been in different situations where I wanted to control. I wanted to know how it is gonna end. Or let's say I still want to do it sometimes, that's why I am writing this post. I want to know what my future is gonna look like. And I start worrying. I know I have talked about not worrying a lot. But I guess I have to learn it over and over again that worries won't bring satisfaction. Nor will they tell me more about my future or how a situation is gonna end or continue. 
I've prayed so many times and still do "Lord I surrender it all to you, my past, my present and my future!". I feel good for like a second but then...

... I go back to my worries.

I surrender everything to my loving father. The one who knows everything. The one who has plans for me that are far more exciting then I could ever imagine. But I still worry. Isn't this unbelievable?!

So I was thinking what surrender means. I thought surrender means "Just let go. Don't do anything and just let God do it".
But this past weekend I feel like God gave me a bigger picture of what it means to surrender. 
It means to give up control, to trust God, that however the situation is gonna look like it will be the best for me. It will be wonderful. It will be after his plan.
To surrender means to REALLY trust God. I surrender, I let go of control and I trust. But in all of it to pray for everything and to believe and to have faith that life is wonderful and it will be wonderful!

To surrender means to be obiedient to God's voice. To listen to him. When I look back and I look at all the times I have been obedient it came out well. But I also look back at different times when I took over control, and I wanted it my way and it didn't come out that well. Of course God taught me lots of things through it. But only because he is so awesome to turn all bad things into good.

So maybe you know all of this already, but maybe you feel the same way as I do. You want to know what life is gonna look like next month or next year. And you have the problem that you fall into the sin of worrying all day long. But in those times, let's just go to God and worship him for who he is and what he has done. I heard it gives a different perspective. For everytime we want to worry let's thank him for a few things. Cause I am sure we have way more things to be thankful for than to worry. 
And I also realized that I can't do it by my own strength. I have to depend on God. And thats exactly what he wants. I think he brings us into different situations that are not clear to us or as easy to go through then others, so we can learn to depend on him and his goodness. He wants us to know that without him we can't do anything.

Yes, I am the vine, you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in the, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing. John 15:5

Walking On Water

I've noticed that I am really good in positive thinking. I see a situation in front of me and I pray and I totally believe everything is gonna be good. Everything will go well and God will totally lead me through it. Like my job. I heard of the job and I started praying like crazy and I just believed that I will get the job. It seemed almost impossible for me to actually get it, but God is bigger then all the circumstances and I got the job. Now I am working since 3 weeks. And I doubt myself a lot. I feel like I will fail or I won't be good enough. But this last weekend God led me to a scripture and a story of the bible. 

The scripture was just so encouraging cause God really knows all my ways and he is doing something new in my life! And I have to hold on to him really closly! And he will carry me through! He will make a way for me!

"For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland." Isaiah 43:19

It is so good to know that God really cares for me and he is always working in my life and I don't have to be afraid. 

The story God led me to is in Matthew 14. It talks about when the disciples were in their boat in the middle of a storm. Jesus comes walking on water. And they are really afraid and think he is a ghost.

But Jesus spoke to them at once. "Don't be afraid," he said. "Take courage, I am here!" Then Peter called to him, "Lord, if it's really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water."

"Yes, come," Jesus said. So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus. But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink. "Save me, Lord!" he shouted. Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. You have so little faith," Jesus said. " Why did you doubt me?"

That's so me.... I have a situation in front of me, like the job or something like that. And I am totally excited and I say "Jesus we can do it. Even if there will be a storms, we can go through it! I can do anything with you!" But then I see clouds coming. And I get a little stressed. And when the waves are crashing in, I am terriefied. But I don't want to be like that anymore. I want to get out of the boat and run on the water. ONLY looking straight into the eyes of Jesus. I don't want to look to the left or right. Cause there are the waves and the wind. They only distract me. When I only look into Jesus's eyes I will be so focused on his strength and his power and totally forget about the waves. 

So if you are in a situation surrounded by a storm, but you are walking on the water already. Don't focus your eyes on the waves around you. You have made the first step. Just keep your eyes on Jesus and walk forward, step by step. You will get there without sinking!!

Heaven On Earth

Two weeks ago I started my new Job. I was trained in a different location then my actual workplace! I have been learning a lot of new things and it seemes like I can’t get anything else into my brain=) But I guess I still don’t know all of the things I am supposed to know. And tomorrow l will start at my actual work place. I will be the store manager of a women’s clothing store called Chicorée. I was super nervous. I worried that I won’t be good enough and that I would fail. That I wouldn’t lead in a godly way. But today I was on a walk with God and I just talked to him about it. Oh and he reminded me of how he has chosen me for this job. He will be the actual store manager and not me. He will work through me and he will love through me. I won’t always be able to do everything and that’s why I depend on him. He again showed me today, that He is in charge over everything. He has chosen me for this job, because He believes in me. He knows that I won’t be able to do everything perfect but God doesn’t look for the able ones but for the available ones. So I am available with the knowledge that I might fail sometimes. But only to grow stronger and get better in what I do!

So with all those thoughts and worries I prayed a lot for God’s kingdom to come. I prayed that the Lord will bring heaven on earth. I thought of what it would look like to have heaven on earth. And I realized that God chooses us believers for jobs like mine. So we can lead in godly ways. God places us in different situations so we can handle it with the love of Jesus Christ. It has become really important for me to be different. I want to see heaven on earth. But God wants to use me to make it happen. He could do it alone but for some strange reasons he has chosen us people as his tools to bring heaven on earth. So I thought of daily things I could do, to make a difference and live a kingdom life! I just smiled at people in the morning and greeted them. Sometimes they looked at me like I am from a different planet. It was so amusing to see the responses of all those people in the morning. Or I waited for the train. And everybody wants to get in the train first to get the best seat. And I felt like God told me to wait and let other people go in first, cause they deserve the best seat as much as I do. And I did, and the Lord still provided a good seat for me. I know those are just little things. But if we are not faithful in the little things like honoring the people around us, how can God trust us with bigger things!

I really want to see the Kingdom of God. But not when I get to heaven. I want to see it here and now! And want to see heaven here on earth and to see this I gotta value and honor the people around me. I need to use the authority God has given me with love and humility!

So I encourage you to ask the Lord what part you play in bringing heaven on earth! Help me to pray for an awakening! I want to see every generation on their knees praising God! I want to see all the nations give glory to our King in heaven! Be blessed during this week and use the authority God has given you. Ask him for wisdom how and when to use it!

The Power Of Words

Yesterday I was out with a good friend of mine. We just talked about life and torts the end we started talking about the power of our words!

So I would love to share some stuff God has been teaching me about the power of words!

First of all he has started a process in me a long time ago of speaking truth over myself. Isn’t it true that we look at ourselves in the mirror and tons of thoughts come up. Maybe things people have called us. Things we have called ourselves. We might see a failure.. But that isn’t true. I had to learn to speak life over myself and not death. I used to say things over myself that I am not good enough, not beautiful enough, that I can’t sing as good as someone else. I called myself fat, ugly, a failure and lots of other things. But there was a point when God told me really strongly that I have to stop with that. So I started speaking truth over myself. In the beginning it was really hard to call myself a good singer, or beautiful, or worth to be persued,  or even loved by God. But the more I told myself this truth, the more I believed it and it was easier to say it again.

And because God has put me in this process he has also given me the authority to teach other girls this truth. I am so angry at the devil. I am so sad to see girls calling themselves names! I am so tired of seeing girls starve cause they try to fit into the picture of the worldly beauty….

The second thing about the power of words that God has been teaching me, is to speak life over the people around me. A few weeks ago God challenged me to only speak good things about other people. If they're not life giving I should just not say anything at all. He told me if the person I was talking about would hear me, would this person be encouraged or discouraged! That was a hard one and it still is. I have to bit my tongue a lot. Cause it is so easy to speak out what we think when we are frustrated about someone. It really helps sometimes to go to someone and just let it out. But what if we let out those frustration at the feet of Jesus?! He understands us. And He can handle our words and our anger. Just last week I know I have been failing in this. Cause I have started my new job and there was so much to learn. And sometimes I felt not understood by the people who taught me and I got mad. And I just wanted to go to a friend and tell them how bad these people treated me and I did. 

I am glad that it is not the end of the world. Cause God’s grace never ends. I am glad that I have a God of second chances and I will defenetely try to be better this week. And the best thing is I don’t have to do it alone. God is with me and he will give me strength and self-control!!

And the third thing he is teaching me is, to speak truth over my future. So often we pray for things but when we talk about it to our friends, we talk as if it’ll never happen anyways. Or we constantly worry about it or complain.

For example, you might work at a place and your boss is treating you terribly. You start to pray that the Holy Spirit will change her/his heart. But whenever you talk about it you say “I pray for it but it it will never change”!

Or you have a husband who isn’t as strong in his walk with God like you desire him to be. You pray that the Holy Spirit will touch his heart and raise him up to a leader, but when you meet up with your girls you constantly complain how he never changes!

Or I hear lots of girls saying that they pray for their future husband to come. But when they talk about it they say something like “oh I might die as an old virgin”, or “there are no good men out there”!

God takes our words very serious. We gotta be careful with what we say. But we can ask God to give us new perspective on situations. And we can ask him for faith. But we also gotta work on our words and we gotta learn to control our tongues!!

Be encouraged and really start speaking truth. Bring heaven on earth with your words and encourage the people around you with your words and attitude.

The tongue can bring death or life. Those who love to talk will reap the consequences. Proverbs 18.21

But the words you speak come from the heart, that’s what defiles you. Matth. 15:18

Those who control their tongue will have a long life. Opening your mouth can ruin everything. Proverbs 13.3

Kind words are like honey – sweet to the soul and healthy for the body. Proverbs 16:24

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my roch and my redeemer. Psalm 19.14

Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that wou will have the right response for everyone! Colossians 4.6

Don't Worry!! Just BELIEVE!!

I just want to start this post with a story that just happened in my life!
I was looking for a job. I prayed and told God what kind of Job I would like to have. And some of the main points were: store manager, close to where I live, women clothes, and a few more..
I got a Job and I will be store manager of a women clothes store called Chicorée. It is 10 minutes away from my home and just pretty amazing.
First I didn't even apply for this position. I didn't even know about it. And the during the interview, I shared my interest in being a store manager, and then they told me about it. So the whole process of applying, interview, test working and waiting for their respond went on for like 4 weeks. It is short but it felt so long. But from the beginning I had such peace and when I talked about the Job, I just declared that I will get this Job!! There was one day of doubt. But then I talked with a friend of mine and she said "those times of waiting are hard but it depends on the attitude of our hearts"!! It was totally what I needed. I knew if God wants me to have the Job I will get it. But I still prayed for it and I continued to declare that I will have it and I BELIEVED! Now I look back and I am so happy. Cause if I would've worried the whole time, I think I wouldn't be as happy as I am now. I tell you it is way more fun to get a prayer answered when you believe instead of worry!!

Here some worries I have/had and I've heard people share, and Gods answers to all those worries!

We might say: "God I don't have a job, please I need a job. What should I do all day long, if I don't have one?"
He says: "The harvest is plentyfull but the workers are few." Matthew 9:37
I know we need a job. But listen, in the time you are looking for a job work for his Kingdom. It is right in front of you and it says in Matthew 6:33 "Seek the Kingdom of God above all else and live rightously and he will give you everything you need!"

We say: "Lord I need new clothes. I am tired of my old ones! Please help me!"
He says: "And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don't work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith??" Matthew 6:28-29

Some of us worry about when we'll be getting married or if we are getting to old to have kids.
But God is the Author of time and it says in his word: "But I am trusting you, O Lord, saying, "you are my God". My future is in your hands." Psalm 31:14-15

We tell ourselves: "I don't think I have a big enough impact in God's Kingdom!"
But the truth is written and it says: "I tell you the truth, anyone who believes in me will do the same works I have done, and even greater works, because I am going to be with the Father!" John 14:12

"What if my life will be boring??"
God gives the answer to this one too: "For I know the plans I have for you. Plans for good not for disaster. Plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremaiah 29:11

"But God, my past!! Will I ever be able to forget, forgive or change?"
He says: "Dear one, anyone who belongs to me has become a new person. The old life is gone, and the new life has begun." 2. Corinthians 5:17

"God do you really love me? I am not worthy of your love, am I really your Child?"
And he responds right back: "I sent him(Jesus) to buy freedom for you who were slaves to the law, so that I can adopt you as my very own children....
....Now you are no longer a slave but but my own child. And since you are my child, I have made you my heir." Galations 4:5+7

"Sometimes I wonder if the Lord even hears my prayers!"
And the truth is written: "And we are confident that he hears us whenever we ask for anything that pleases him. And since we know he hears us when we make our requests we also know that he will give us what we ask for." 1.John 5:14-15

So I just want to encourage you with two more scriptures. First, please try to worry less and to pray more. Cause that's what God wants us to do.
"Don't worry about anything, instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him fo al he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand, His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

And second, when you pray have faith and believe that the things you pray for will actually happen. It is so powerful and God is really challenging me to pray for things that seem impossible. And I am scared of getting disappointed. And you know what, God will not answer all the prayers the way I want to and he might even say NO sometimes, but it doesn't change the fact that he is God. Loving, patient, kind, graceful and he has still the best plan for us!!
"Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen. It gives us assurance about things we cannot see!" Hebrews 11:1
Be blessed and dream and pray BIG!!!!

Don't Awaken Love Until It's Right

Last night I was laying in bed! Just thinking about the way I have fallen in love with my God. It happened the last 3-4 months. I can only guess it was the grace of God that let it happen. Cause I've tried to fall in love with Jesus before. I thought it has to work the way we fall in love with the opposite sex. I thought it would feel the same to fall in love with God. Cause it is the only thing I can compare it to right?! So I've tried many times not to look at guys anymore and just forcing myself to have butterflies thinking about God. It never really worked and I ended up being so empty cause id didn't give me the attention I desired. But like I said IT didn't give me the attention. Of course it wouldn't, cause I was so interested in what I could get and so focused on forcing myself not to be human, instead of just being interested in God as my friend and lover. But we are humans and God made us and the opposite sex. And it is okay to look and to get to know someone. But we cannot live by it. It cannot rule our lives. God put the desire of not being alone into our hearts and he will fulfill it at the right time.

I pushed myself to fall in love with God the same way I would fall in love with a guy, and it didn't work over and over again. I got so frustrated and dissappointed. I thought something is wrong with me and I will never be content with just being single and it scared me!! It litteraly scared the crap out of me! Cause you know how people say "you know when I finally was done with relationships and I was just content with God, He brought my spouse into my life"! And I just thought to myself, I guess I will be alone my whole life. Cause I've said many times I am done and I've tried to fall in love with God but it didn't work. So I guess my destiny is to feel alone and to struggle with everything that comes with loneliness and I will die as an old virgin.

But then in the fall 2012, like some of you know, I went to YWAM LA for another quarter(the last one for a while). I was super frustrated about myself and I felt like a failure and just not content with who I am and where I was at, at that point. But I surrendered it all to God AGAIN. I didn't hold anything back. I was so done with everything! I surrendered my failure, my addiction to cigarettes, my loneliness, my struggles and my insecurities. And He challenged me in lots of ways. Here are a few main points. He told me if I would lose everything and eveybody on this earth I still gotta be content cause I have him. That was a big thing I had to go through. Even if I have so much and no one died or anything like that I hade to face the fact that it might happen someday. Or if everybody turns their back on me I have to be content with JUST God. And I said "God I am ready. I am content with just you, whatever it takes!" Then He taught me lots about my beauty and identity in Him. God told me that the fact that I am beautiful and his royal princess is a fact not to be changed. And it doesn't depend on an opinion of a guy I think is cute. That was also hard and painful. Cause it feels stinking great if a cute guy tells me I am beautiful. And it isn't wrong but I depended on it for so long that I had to let go of it. God thinks I am beautiful and that's enough. Cause what if a cute guy would say I am ugly. I would eventually believe it. God in his grace taught me step by step to focus my eyes on him. He didn't expect of me not to look at good looking men anymore but to focus my eyes and heart on him of whats true about myself!And in this whole process of learning I have fallen in love with him. Cause I have focused on him as a friend and not as someone who can give me something. So I asked God for a scripture this morning that would go with this post and before I was done praying He gave me Song of Songs 3. Hahahah and it is perfect! God is so good!

One night as I lay in bed, I yearned for my lover. I yearned for him, but he did not come. So I said to myself, "I will get up and roam the city, Sarching in all its streets and squares, I will search for the one I love." So I searched everywhere but did not find him. The watchmen stopped me as they made their rounds, and I asked, "Have you seen the one I love?" Then scarcely had I left them when I found my love! I caught and held him tightly, then I brought him to my mother's House, into my mother's bed, where I had been conceived. Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, by the gazelles and wild deer, not to awaken love until the time is right! Song of Songs 3: 1-5

It fits cause so many nights I felt alone and thought of when I will be able to share my bed with someone! I felt ampty and unloved. I ran around looking for my lover but he was always right with me! Then I found him and took him home to my parents's house and when I lay in bed now I just feel content and loved. And if you believe it or not I get sometimes butterflies when I think about God.

Women and men, don't awaken love until it's right. I believe now, that God will awaken love in our hearts if we trust him and ask for wisdom in every step we take. And if the right man or woman has arrived in our lives He will certainly awaken love in our hearts and give us the green light to be persued or persue!!

Becoming His Bride

A radiant bride greeted her guests with a brilliant smile as she entered the reception hall after the wedding ceremony. She gracefully moved about the room, the train of her white gown flowing along the floor behind her, her veil cascading down her button-adorned back

She conversed with each guest one by one, taking the time to mingle and soak up the compliments.

"You look absolutely lovely."

"Your dress is divine."

"I've never seen a more beautiful bride."

"What a stunning ceremony."

The lavish praises rang on and on. The bride couldn't be more proud or more appreciative of the crowd's adoration. She could have listened to them swoon over her all evening. As a matter of fact, she did.

BUT WHERE WAS THE GROOM??

All the attention focused on the bride and never once did she call anyone's attention to her husband. She didn't even notice his absence at her side. Scanning the room, I searched for him, wondering, Where could he be?

I finally found him, but not where I expected him to be. The groom stood alone over in the corner of the room with his head down. As he stared at his ring, twisting the gold band that his bride had just placed on his finger, tears trickled down his cheeks and onto his hands. That is when I noticed the nail scars. The groom was JESUS.

He waited, but the bride never once turned her face toward her groom. She never held His hand. She never introduced the guests to Him. She operated independently of Him.

I awoke with a sick feeling in my stomach, realizing that I'd been dreaming....

(from the book "Every Young Woman's Battle"! Author, Shannon Ethridge, Stephen Arterburn)

When I read this story it almost broke my heart! I looked back on my life and I realzied that I could've been this bride. I have given my life to Jesus. I have placed the wedding band on his finger but I hardly held his hand or introduced people to him. I might have told people about him but I guess my actions didn't really line up with my words. And I soaked up all the compliments people gave me!

I would say I was almost addicted to those compliments. They kept me alive and made me feel beautiful and wanted!

I am glad that in the last half year of my life I've realized more what it means to become Jesus's bride and own it. But it still hurts my heart when I look back and realize all the times I have left my husband in a corner not even caring about how HE feels about what I do. 

I am super thankful for this story and the picture it gave me! 

Compliments are nothing bad. Don't get me wrong. But Jesus should be right at our side. We should hold his hand or be cuddled up in his arms and soak up all compliments he is giving us. 

And you know when you feel like a guy is persuing you and loving on you, there is not too much time to doubt if you are beautiful or not. When I feel loved and persued I feel soooo beautiful and I hardly think about if I am too fat or not funny or not beautiful enough, but I just enjoy the time of being loved. That's how it is supposed to be. When we put the wedding band on Jesus's finger we walk into a room and stay close to him. We introduce him to everybody cause he is our first love!! And we are excited about him. And when we get compliments, we will be blessed by those but just because we know already that we are beautiful and that we are loved and that we are stunning!! Cause our husband has told us those things already 1000 times more than all those guests on the wedding!

I really try to keep that picture in mind. The other night when I thought about the picture of this story and how I walk in a room with Jesus by my side and not alone I got butterflies and I feel like I get more and more what it means to fall in love with Jesus and becoming his bride!!

Once a woman becomes a bride, the focus of her life and priorities change, and all other people and priorities pale in comparison to her primary love relationship!!

(from the book "Every Young Woman's Battle"! Author, Shannon Ethridge, Stephen Arterburn)

Stewardship and God's faithfulness

So this is just a little fun story I want to post. But it is also a story of Gods goodness and faithfulness!

My room I have at home in my partents's house is not too big and plus I have tons of things everywhere. I had already a lot when I was younger but with traveling so much the last 3 years and always being home for just a little while I was okay with it.

But because I know this time I will be home a little longer (only God knows for how long or if forever=) I just needed a change! In Ywam I have learned a lot about stewerdship! So I thought if I have a small room and I want something bigger sometime I might should take really good care of what I have now. Cause how can God trust me with something bigger if I can't even take care of the small!

So I decided 2 weeks ago that I wanted to rearrange my room and make it look way nicer. First I wanted to wait until I have a job to get some cute furniture for it. Cause everything costs money right. But then I said "God I have soooo much time right now to do those things. I just need to find cute cheap furniture". I went to Ikea with my mom and we had such a fun afternoon picking out little things. My mom is super awesome and paid for a few things so I only paid like 150 dollars for so many things. 

So the next day I started cleaning out my room and throwing tons of stuff away. Until my room was almost empty. And then I saw all my walls and they were still white but they just looked dirty. So I went to my dad and asked if we still have white paint and he answered with yes. Guess what I did the next 2 days. Exactly I painted my walls and after a looooong week of cleaning and throwing away stuff and painting I was able to make my room look super cute and nice.

 My room before the change! And if you believe it or not. This is as tidy as it was able to be=)

 painting and having good talks with God

After!!! I even cleaned and organized my closet

After!!!Yep everything in it's right place!!! 

After!!! New little table and a new rack for my clothes

After!!! New mirror, lamp and drawer for my make up and hair stuff(my parents kept the drawer for me, cause they got a new one)

And a little story of God just being suuper awesome...

Because I haven't been home in a long time for a whole winter I might have had lots of shoes(most of them given to me) but not any shoes that actually kept my feet warm in the snow or the coldness of the winter in switzerland. So I also wanted to wait until I get a job. But then I said to God again: "Lord, I don't have a job yet but my feet are relly cold right now, and I need shoes! You know my budget please let me find some fun and warm shoes!!"

Guess what?!? I found two pairs of shoes! They were worth 150 Dollars, BUT they were on sale and I got them for 50 dollars! God is so awesome and he cares for EVERY SINGLE LITTLE THING in our life!!!

My Strong Tower

I'm looking for a job right now. I have applied in quite a few places, but there were not to many positive reponses yet.
I mean I was able to go for an interview but I just didn't feel peace to actually work there. So I have all those thoughts of what people could think if I don't take the first job that is offered to me, or if I expect something that is too good to be true.
I have all those lies in my head that "I am lazy", "after working in missions I might not be able to work something else anymore", "my money will run out" or "I will work somewhere horrible". All those lies constantly run through my head and it makes it hard to stay content with God and trust him. But I fight against it.
It is crazy cause just in the last Blog I wrote about my fight against loneliness. But I haven't really struggled too much with that this week... Satan will never stop to make life hard for us. He will never stop wanting to destroy us. He hates us! It is a daily fight. But sometimes it seems easier for us and sometimes it is harder for us to fight this battle. I guess he tries the hardest when we are about to do something great with God. And that makes me happy. Cause I really feel like God is about to do something great in and through my life!

As I was having quiet time this morning and as I was asking the Lord for help, that he would fill me with faith and confidence that everything is in his hands, he led me to this scripture:

"Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again, rejoice! Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon. Don't worry about anything, instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."

I know those words so well and yet it just always comforts my heart. And it works in every situation. Don't worry but pray! Be THANKFUL!
Well , so I started thanking the Lord for all the things I have and praying for those things that bring worries to my heart and he gave me an awesome picture for those times of trouble. Here it is:

I saw a strong tower in the middle of a battle field and also a tower in the middle of a crazy storm!
The Lord was telling me "If you hold on to that strong tower/ Me / The Lord nothing can harm you or blow you away. In times of battle you hold on to the strong tower. You might get some scratches of the explosions around you or you can feel the heat but nothing more, cause I am the Lord and I won't be shaken!
If there is a storm around you, you hold on to this strong tower. Yes you might feel the wind and the rain around you. And it feels like it's gonna blow you away. It might cost you all your strength to hold on to it but the strong tower is not to be shaken."
He also told me "Keep fighting daughter and don't worry after every battle follows peace and after every storm the sun will shine again."

Don't we have an awesome God! I have more than I need. No reason to worry. And I wanted to buy a car! I thought of an amount of money I am willing to spend and God gave me and awesome car for even less than the amount i was thinking of. He takes care of us. And he will give us what we need. But everything in it's time!! My job will come at the right time and until then I enjoy spending time with my provider!!
But hey, prayers are appreciated!=)
God bless you all!!