Oceans (Where feet may fail)

  

The other day I was driving in my car and listened to this song. Since a while it is probably my favorite song. But that time I was listening to it I had a revelation.

It says in the beginning of the song "You call me out upon the waters, the great unknown, where feet may fail"!
I had tears in my eyes and realized again how wide and deep God's love and grace is. The Lord calls us to do certain things and go certain places with the knowledge that we may fail. And still he calls us to go and to do. He told Peter to get out of the boat and put his feet on the stormy water. He knew Peter will lose his faith and get fearful and eventually sink but STILL he called him to come.
We know that Peter got scared by all the big waves. He put his focus on the waves and off of the eyes of Jesus.

That's the way I feel often times. Espacially in the last half year. It got really hard at work. For a long time I tried to bring positivity into my workplace. I tried to influence my coworkers with encouragements and being different. But I lost track. I was really tired cause my work Schedule changed a lot. The atmosphere at work was really tense and I was litterally overwhelmed by all of it. I also felt unhappy working as a sales woman cause it just didn't fullfill me. Don't get me wrong. I know work will never be my fullfillment but I do believe that God has given me talents and gifts and I want to use them to glorify him and bring him praise.

Unfortunately I got so distracted in figuring out where my place is and what I am supposed to do plus all the stuff that was going on at my work place that I fixed my eyes on the big waves around me instead fixing my eyes on the loving face of Jesus.
Last week I decided to talk to my boss and tell her that I needed a fix schedule again. I wanted to tell her that I was tired that my schedule constantly changes. But on saturday morning while I was praying for the talk I would have with my boss I felt the Lord telling me to share with my boss all that was on my heart.
So I took courage and just told her everything. I started with apologizing for being included in gossip and asking for forgivness. I told her how I was tired of my schedule changing all the time and how my time in Los Angeles (missions work) has changed my life and how I miss that kind of work. I told her that I have talked to my Church and asked for a year of practical training. It would also include a year of biblestudy.
Her answer to all of it was that she is so grateful that I talked to her and that the doors are always open for me as long as she will be boss. That working in a Church and doing bible studies sounds much more like me than being a sales woman and that I should keep her updated on my jobsearch.
It was such a heavenly atmosphere...

The thing is I thought I was way to much into being like the world that I couldn't go back. But with being honest and humble and going up to my boss and confessing my sin, I feel like I got a new start and a new chance. It is never to late to go back and to start new.

It is so awesome that God calls us to places even though we fail, even though we mess  up. He trusts us to take care of his children. I failed but I got up again. I called upon the name of Jesus while I was sinking in the storm around me and he lifted me up and gave me courage to get up again and do better this time.

Don't be afraid of honesty. Cause there is a blessing on being honest and being different from the world around us.
I hope you have a wonderful rest of the week.

You are not alone in this...

Oh my gosh....

I am so sorry for not posting anything for so long!
I have been super busy! Aaaaaaand I finally met my man. My Prince Charming. Maybe that is one of the reasons I haven't posted for this whole time. I guess I was busy getting to know him and being in love!

For all who want to know more about it this part is for you. For the other ones just scroll down a little bit. His name is Matthias Pletscher. He turned 25 in december, that means he is about 1 1/2 years younger than me, which is not a problem at all. We met in church camp last September. I knew his family already a while but not him. I met him,we fell in love and about a month later we started dating. I didn't expect to meet him in churchcamp. I was totally confused having those feelings for him.
There were times in the past that I doubted my man would ever show up. And I didn't believe when people told me "HE will come and God will surpass all your hopes and dreams you have ever had about Mister Right."
But they were so right. I would not want anybody else. Cause THE ONE I have is the biggest gift of God for me and I am deeply thankful for Matthias! We laugh, we cry, we pray and we love life together and we do struggle at times with staying pure. But we get up and figth again and pray that God would use us to bring heaven on earth and to let us be living testimonies for him.
Okay I don't want to talk too much about Matts(that's how he is called) and me. Just one more fact about us. So many people say it is weird to see us. It is almost as if we are the same Person just male and female, or comments like "there was never a couple I met that fits so well than you two", so that is really affirming us and our relationship!

That was it about the amazing update on my life. But for all of you singles out there. I want to tell you a little something. When I was single there was a point when I decided to be happy with life even if I don't have a boyfriend. And I am so glad that I did it. Cause it helped me to deeply fall in love with God. My creator, saviour, friend, counseler, healer!
It has helped me to see my worth in God. It has helped me to love myself when it seemed like no one could ever fall in love with me.
I guess I understand more and more what Paul from the Bible ment when he talked about "if you are single then stay single cause you can full on put your concentration on God"!! Hahah don't get me wrong I don't want to be single again. I am super happy to be a girlfriend and wife to be but these are just my thoughts I had the last few weeks....
I find it really hard to be a good girlfriend and a good daugther of God. But I know God is so patient with me. He teaches me what it means. I am not too far into this process yet cause it just started around 3 weeks ago, that I realized that I needed more time with God again. Cause everything gets really hard and taugh when I don't have those times.
And you know what?? It is true, when you have a boyfriend your insecurities won't just go away. Nope they are still here. I still struggle with feeling to big at times. I struggle even more with being pure. Cause before, you don't just want to give your love to somebody. But know I have someone I truly love and it seems way more tempting to go further than I actually want to in my heart.

So what I am learning right now is, what does it mean to love myself when I have someone next to me? What does it mean to be pure in a relationship? What does it mean to respect and honor my boyfriend? And how do I love my creator first and then the man I want to spend the rest of my life with?

I am not sure if this posts helps anybody. I guess it helps me to process my walk with God. And I defenteley hope there is someone out there who reads this post and feels exactly the same and just needed to know! YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS!

I hope you have a wonderful week! Thank you for taking the time and reading this post!

Have you been ever told that you did something not as good as you should have done it, or have you ever been accused for something that you know exactly it wasn't you?!

I am learning a lot about this. First of all, after a long time working in a christian mission organisation where everything is talked through (mostly) in love, is it really hard to get used to the worldly standards of saying things. It is not something like "Hey Dorothea, lets talk for a second, I will pray first bla bla bla....."! Nope it is nothing like that. It is more kind of like "Dorothea you did a really crappy job, and that's not okay. We expect you to get better in this".
The last two days were kind of like that. I got told quite a few times that I did a crapy job and it made me doubt myself like crazy and it made me make even more mistakes..

This afternoon while I was working I told God that I was struggling with this whole job thing and that I just wanted to be liked and loved and to work well.
I was also thinking about the times I got told what we, as team, don't do well and I knew exactly that I did my part right. And I felt the Lord telling me to just say okay and not to defend myself. It was soooooo extremly hard. Cause I think none of us likes to be accused for something that we didn't do.
So in that time of thinking during work, God spoke to me really clearly and I wanted it to share it with you all.
He reminded me of Jesus! He asked me the question "Do you think Jesus liked to be accused by the people he loved sooooo much??" and it hit me. I know he must have hated it. But Jesus just took it upon him. He never defended himself. I wonder if he ever prayed to God and said "Fahter they accuse me for things I have never done and I will never do. Can I just show them how glorious I am and how they have no right to talk to me like that?"...
It says in the bible: "For we don't have a high priest who can't be touched with de feeling of our infirmities, but one who has been in all points tempted like we are, yet without sin. Hebrews 4:15

He knows what I felt today, but when he felt it, he did not sin. No he hung on the cross of his accusers and prayed:

Father forgive them, for they don't know what they are doing... Luke 23:34

I thought of all of this and was so moved by how loving and gracious Jesus is. And then I was frustrated and thought that Jesus was holy so it must have been easier for him, but then the Lord reminded me of my prayer I pray quite often and it is:

"Lord, make me more like Jesus!"

Well God takes our prayers serious and he gives me the chanc
e to become more like Jesus. But to be honest I don't like the process of becoming more like him. It hurts and it takes lots of energy and tears, espacially in my case=)
I guess my prayer looks now more kind of like that:

"Lord, give me grace and strength and love in the process of becoming more like Jesus!"

Be encouraged know that God is the God of second chances and He wants us to become more like Jesus so he will be patient with us in the process of it!!

It has been way too long again since I've written a post on here. Life has been busy and to be honest I love having a full agenda. But it also makes it hard for me as super extrovert to just step back and get some time alone or write a blog=)

Lots of things have happened in this last 1-2 months. I have realized that I was super overwhelmed with my job as store manager. On my days off I couldn't really relax. I was always afraid of what the next week might bring. When my brother got married, ( yes he married a wonderful woman and I am so excited to see where God will take the two of them) I was off of work for for days. On the first day I got a call from a boss and she wasn't pleased with me. You gotta understand, I put my whole energy into the store and tried my best, but I was really overwhelmed. Well, after the call I was so said and I pretty much cried all night long. The next day on my brothers actual wedding day I was able to turn of my thoughts. And the day was beautiful!

But on day 3 and 4 I couldn't stop thinking about my job. I thought if I would quit the job as store manager I would give up, or run away or just be a failure. But then I thought of continue to fight and I didn't have peace about it either. I met with a good friend of mine and one of the helpers of Beauty Arise Switzerland. She asked me lots of questions. Questions I didn't want to hear or didn't want to answer.
She told me that she knows I can do it and that I always stand up for others and myself and she doesn't get why I would give up now. I couldn't answer it... but then she said another comment/questions. And I didn't want to hear it, it sounded something like that: "since a month you have been talking more about going back into missions and going back to LA and I feel like since then you lost more strength to fight for the job."

DANG...!! I didn't want to hear it. I felt like it was so right to be in switzerland and stay here. I am investing my time and heart in my church, into my friends and into Beauty Arise! I am working and building relationships and still the desire to go back into missions didn't leave me. So I told her that I feel like I will go back into missions someday rather sooner than later. And that investing all of my time and energy into my job breaks my heart when I think about all the times I could invest in family and friends espacially cause those days might be counted.... The only thing my friend answered was "I think we all know you will leave again but we try to ignore it because we don't like it out of selfish ways, we just want you here." ( I love her!!!)

The next day I went to work and called my boss and told her that I would like to step back, keep working for them but not as store manager. Her answer was that she felt that I was overwhelmed and she wanted to make me an offer. So I was freed from the position as store manager on pretty much the same day and got offered to work in a different location like 5 minutes from my house.
As soon I wasn't in the position anymore I felt a big weight falling off of me. I feel like I am able to enjoy my days off again. It seems like I can FULLY enjoy the times with my friends and families cause there isn't the thought in the back of my mind what I gotta do at work next week.

So I hope I am not making you feel bored by reading all of this. But I guess why I wrote it is I needed time to process and writing it down helps sometimes. AND there is a scripture in Romans 8:28 and it says God works everything together for good, for those who love him. It makes sense to me. Cause I don't know if it was the right decision to leave Ywam LA last fall. I thought so. And seriously I have never felt as close to God as I feel right now.
Was it right to step back as store manager? I don't know but I trust God that he will work it toghether for my good cause I do love him!
Is it his plan that I will go back to LA one day? Again, I don't know. The only thing I know is that I treasure every minute with my loved ones here cause there is a desire for me to go back into missions. I can't deny it. People around me see it and feel it and tell me. I can feel it. My brother and his wife who were hanging out with my friends in LA on their honeymoon told me they think my place is there. Do I like it?

I LOVE IT and at the same time I HATE IT!
I love it cause it gives me assurance that it might be God's plan for me to serve him in LA. I love it cause I have wonderful friends over there that miss me and want to work with me. I love it cause I loved every day that I worked with YWAM! I loved it cause I have been to places that I've never dreamed of seeing. I love it cause I can spend time with people who need God desperetly
BUT I HATE IT cause it means to leave my friends here. It means to not be with my family. It means to not celebrate birthdays with them. It means to not always celebrate christmas with them. It means that I might not experience the birth of all my nephews and nieces. It means I can just call my mom and dad or brothers and sister or friends to say "hey can I step by really quick, I want to see you! It means that I won't see my cute little Godson grow older!
Sometimes I asked God why he has put missions on my heart. Cause it might be possible that I feel torn apart the rest of my life cause I have to families on two sides of the world. I will always miss one or the other. But he also might know that I can handle it. And maybe he has much bigger plans for me cause I only see what I can imagine but he can defenetely surpass my imagination! And I will trust him!!

I hope these words or the story of my life somehow encourages you in your walk with God! Cause he IS faithful!!

Learn to dance in the rain, glorify his name, and get yourself some good friends

The other day I was talking to a friend and he showed me a picture with this phrase on it. I don't think it was anything deep we talked in that moment. I guess we talked about the weather cause it is pretty much raining since weeks here in switzerland.. And all of you who know me, know that I LOOOOOOVE the sun. I love being outside, going for walks and last but not least TANING!!=) But I haven't been able to do a lot of any of these things. It has gotten on my nerves that it was raining so much.
So back to this saying. I just couldn't get it out of my head. Cause isn't it like this in any area of our lives. We are in a season but most of the times we wana be in the next season already. We spend so much of our time thinking about the future. But like it is said on this picture 

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, but about learning to dance in the rain."

or 

"If we wait for the sun to come out, we might miss the chance to dance in the rain"

It has made me think of my life. So many times I just wanted to storm to pass. But I forgot learning to dance in the rain.
I think in whatever season we are in in our lives we are waiting for something. Isn't it true?! And waiting is defeneteley not one of my favorite things at all. If there would be a dislike button on waiting I would be the first person to press it!!
Hahaha and God is so awesome cause he is training me in waiting. But I think he is showing me more and more what it means to dance in those waiting seasons. I don't know, maybe you have a season of waiting. And it feels for you like it is raining aaaaall day long and you are just desperate for the sun to come out. But what would it look like if you would just get out and dance in the rain. I am really trying to figure out what it means for me to dance in the rain right now. I guess it is to get to the heart of God and get his perspective on things. It is to trust him with all that I am and it is...

TO GLORIFY HIS NAME IN WHATEVER I DO...

This brings me to the next point I have on my heart! I can't get over the fact that my live has the ability to glorify the name of the Lord. But it is my desicion if I let my life to be glorifying to him or not.
But it defenteley helps me in my daily choices. I have heard a message about it. The preacher talked about the will of God and what he wants us to do. And sometimes he calls us specificly to do something. But I guess many times he lets us choose what we would like to do. But it isn't as hard as it seems do decide  sometimes. I think we gotta ask ourselves one question and that is:

WILL IT GLORIFY THE NAME OF THE LORD!

It really helps me in times of decisions. Not only big decisions but also daily life decisions. Like the way I talk about my co workers, friends or family members. The way I think or the things I meditate over all day long.
I just ask myself during the day "Was this just glorifying the Lord or was it just good for me and my ego?" Often it is the second. It was just good for me. But there are days and times when I can say "yes Lord I think this was glorifying to you"
But we shouldn't be discouraged cause we are only humans. We are not perfect. But the thought just helps me so much to be faithful to God!

I really hope you get my heart and it was encouraging for you!

The last thing I want to tell you today is, if it is hard for you to walk your way with God, surround yourself with friends that help you in your walk. Friends you can meditate with over biblescriptures. Friends you can talk, pray and also have fun with. Cause I really believe community brings us closer to God!!

Be blessed!!!

The past is history

Again it has been a long time since the last time a posted a new blog. I have just been crazy busy and didn’t find time to sit down and actually process my thoughts and post it on my blog!

I think there are two things that I have been working through the last 2 weeks….

1.  The past is history, the future is a mystery but the present is a gift!

A friend of mine told me that. I mean I have heard it before but I was so good to hear it again!

Have you ever found it difficult to enjoy the present. Cause there is so much that happened in the past and you think about what you would change if you could go back, but at the same time your thankful that it happened cause it made you to the person you are now.

So we think about our past mistakes and we are so afraid that we might do them again in the future. And we really don’t want to do the same mistakes again. Yet we are super busy thinking about the future and all the things that could happen that we totally forget about the present!

Right now!! What is happening in my life right now? Where am I at?? I have tons of good friends around me and I am able to spend time with time invest in their lives and learn from them and what they’re going through in their lives.

I have my family around me. And can visit them whenever I want and whenever I have time for it. I am able to spent lots of time with my parents and just enjoy their presence. I am starting a new ministry Beauty Arise, and I have a good job position. And even if I struggle many days with insecurities that I am not good enough for the job I will push through and trust God that he will give me the strength to keep going. So I have so many options to be a light in the world why should I constantly think about my past that is history or my future that is a mystery!

I should rather think about the present and how I can bless the people around me and how I can prepare myself not to make the same mistakes of my past in the future again! And I should enjoy every second of life cause I won’t get back any moment of my life. So I decided to treasure each day even if it might be hard. But even in hardships God is teaching me things and making me more like him!!

2. Have you ever felt like the past is hunting you??

This is kind of what I felt these last few weeks. That’s probably why I had a hard time to treasure the present!

For around 2 weeks I had the hardest time not to go to a gas station and get myself some cigarettes. This last week, has been way better, what made me really happy. Then I thought I am over this stupid habit of going out to seek my attention in guys. But last Friday I was out with a friend and there were so many guys I had a crush on in my past. I mean I was not in love with them. It was just a crush and the desire to be loved. But like 5 of them were there. It was like the past slaped me in my face. And I totally felt the same thing again. I was in the bar and I could feel the hunger of wanting the attention, wanting to be accepted and mostly wanting to be persued. I went back home and I felt so empty. Then on Sunday I had to sing in church and I just didn’t feel like standing on the stage and singning about how much I love God, when I was just out and wanting the attention of guys who don’t love God at all. So I decided to get up super early on Sunday morning and get back to the heart of God. Giving up all my rights and surrendering all my struggles again. Coming back to the foot of the cross and ask for forgiveness and new strength in this battle of the unseen world! And it felt so good.

But after I prayed it was not that the desire of attention just left me. Actually not at all. But I knew that I surrendered it and I told God that I can’t do it alone and that I need his help in this battle.

I won’t give up and I hope that you won’t give up either. I know it is hard. I totally feel you. But keep pushing through it and it will get easier with time. I don’t say it will ever stop here on earth. But with every time our struggles come back we know how to handle it better and how to respond to it!

Don’t be afraid of temptation. Cause temptation will hunt us until we stand in the presence of the Lord. Satan will not stop trying to pull us away from God until we die.

But be aware of what you do when you are tempted. Are you tempted and you start compromise o r do you rebuke it when it gets into your life?!

I would love to tell you that I rebuke temptation everytime it hits me. But it would be a big lie. But I won’t stop fighting against it. And I will get up again after everytime I fall flat on my face=)

Be encouraged and don’t give up!!!

Just yesterday I remebered that I have a blog that I want to update every week. These past 3 weeks have been crazy. I was so busy and didn't really get enough sleep! Yet, God totally carried me through it.
But it is defenetley the reason why I haven't posted anything on here for so long!

Like you guys know, I have been working with the Beauty Arise Ministy in Los Angeles. A ministry that helps women finding their true identity in God and speaking truth into their lives!
So when I came back to Switzerland in December, I sat down with different women and shared with them the vision of Beauty Arise. 4 of them joined the team and we have been starting to plan our first event. Just last thursday (one day before our first event) we had a 5th girl asking if she could be able to help and we welcomed her in our team!

Seriously our first event was so amazing. Around 30 women came and we all had a really good time. The 5 women of the team all shared a little testimony how God has transformed us and why we have a heart and a passion for women finding their identity in God. The 6th girl of the team will get another chance to share her awesome story but it would have been to spontanious for her to share already cause we just welcomed her in the team. But she did a wonderful job helping and serving us!!

We got so many positiv responses to the whole evening. After the event a few girls and me went out. One of the the girls said she was so touched by each and every story. And on sunday when I went to church some of the girls that came, walked up to me and said that they really enjoyed it. And one offered her help for a next event or something! God is so good!

So that's a little update of how everything went. But these weeks, while I was working as a store manager and preparing this Beauty Arise Event I felt often so weak. And sometimes I felt like it doesn't make sense what I'm doing. It was defently Satan trying to destroy something great! So often it scares me. to be in the position I am at. As a store manager the bad of the store weights on my shoulders. But the good mostly weights on the team. It is often like that..
In Beauty Arise I stand in front of people and share my heart and my life with these women. I tell them about my struggles and my victories. I have realized it is a good place to be but also super hard.
I know people watch me everywhere..(Not in a creepy way) Just the other day a friend from a gocery store of the mall where I am working at told me "Hey my friend told me you have a beautiful voice, she has heard you sing in church". I thought it was really fun cause I had no clue who she is. And it gave me also the realization that people can see me. They watch what I am doing.

The last week I was struggeling really hard with the desire to smoke cigarettes. I was just stressed and tired and the thought of smoking a cigarette seemed so relaxing. But seriously, the only thing that held me back the whole time was that I knew that people watch me.
I have a responsabilty on my shoulder that I am proud of but that is hard to have sometimes. But it gives me accountability. I can't just think about myself anymore. People look up to me or see me, when I don't see them. They want to see if I live what I "preach"!

God has been challenging me through this process and I am so thankful. Hahaha but I am a little tired, and sometimes I really just want to do what I feel like to do, but I gotta remember that I can change people's lives in the way I live and depend on God.

I really hope any of these words made sense to you. Cause I was processing my thoughts and the feelings of my heart. And they're really confusing sometimes!

May God bless you and remind you espacially these next days of his never ending grace.

The Beauty Arise Switzerland Crew=)

(Stefanie Urech, Me, Stefanie von Arx->the newest member, Fabienne Hunziker,

Nicole Hunziker, Janine Silva Cunha)

 Fellowship and food, the best combination

Me explaining the beginning of Beauty Arise and the vision of it.

The snacks for the event. We had defentley more then enough=)