It has been way too long again since I've written a post on here. Life has been busy and to be honest I love having a full agenda. But it also makes it hard for me as super extrovert to just step back and get some time alone or write a blog=)

Lots of things have happened in this last 1-2 months. I have realized that I was super overwhelmed with my job as store manager. On my days off I couldn't really relax. I was always afraid of what the next week might bring. When my brother got married, ( yes he married a wonderful woman and I am so excited to see where God will take the two of them) I was off of work for for days. On the first day I got a call from a boss and she wasn't pleased with me. You gotta understand, I put my whole energy into the store and tried my best, but I was really overwhelmed. Well, after the call I was so said and I pretty much cried all night long. The next day on my brothers actual wedding day I was able to turn of my thoughts. And the day was beautiful!

But on day 3 and 4 I couldn't stop thinking about my job. I thought if I would quit the job as store manager I would give up, or run away or just be a failure. But then I thought of continue to fight and I didn't have peace about it either. I met with a good friend of mine and one of the helpers of Beauty Arise Switzerland. She asked me lots of questions. Questions I didn't want to hear or didn't want to answer.
She told me that she knows I can do it and that I always stand up for others and myself and she doesn't get why I would give up now. I couldn't answer it... but then she said another comment/questions. And I didn't want to hear it, it sounded something like that: "since a month you have been talking more about going back into missions and going back to LA and I feel like since then you lost more strength to fight for the job."

DANG...!! I didn't want to hear it. I felt like it was so right to be in switzerland and stay here. I am investing my time and heart in my church, into my friends and into Beauty Arise! I am working and building relationships and still the desire to go back into missions didn't leave me. So I told her that I feel like I will go back into missions someday rather sooner than later. And that investing all of my time and energy into my job breaks my heart when I think about all the times I could invest in family and friends espacially cause those days might be counted.... The only thing my friend answered was "I think we all know you will leave again but we try to ignore it because we don't like it out of selfish ways, we just want you here." ( I love her!!!)

The next day I went to work and called my boss and told her that I would like to step back, keep working for them but not as store manager. Her answer was that she felt that I was overwhelmed and she wanted to make me an offer. So I was freed from the position as store manager on pretty much the same day and got offered to work in a different location like 5 minutes from my house.
As soon I wasn't in the position anymore I felt a big weight falling off of me. I feel like I am able to enjoy my days off again. It seems like I can FULLY enjoy the times with my friends and families cause there isn't the thought in the back of my mind what I gotta do at work next week.

So I hope I am not making you feel bored by reading all of this. But I guess why I wrote it is I needed time to process and writing it down helps sometimes. AND there is a scripture in Romans 8:28 and it says God works everything together for good, for those who love him. It makes sense to me. Cause I don't know if it was the right decision to leave Ywam LA last fall. I thought so. And seriously I have never felt as close to God as I feel right now.
Was it right to step back as store manager? I don't know but I trust God that he will work it toghether for my good cause I do love him!
Is it his plan that I will go back to LA one day? Again, I don't know. The only thing I know is that I treasure every minute with my loved ones here cause there is a desire for me to go back into missions. I can't deny it. People around me see it and feel it and tell me. I can feel it. My brother and his wife who were hanging out with my friends in LA on their honeymoon told me they think my place is there. Do I like it?

I LOVE IT and at the same time I HATE IT!
I love it cause it gives me assurance that it might be God's plan for me to serve him in LA. I love it cause I have wonderful friends over there that miss me and want to work with me. I love it cause I loved every day that I worked with YWAM! I loved it cause I have been to places that I've never dreamed of seeing. I love it cause I can spend time with people who need God desperetly
BUT I HATE IT cause it means to leave my friends here. It means to not be with my family. It means to not celebrate birthdays with them. It means to not always celebrate christmas with them. It means that I might not experience the birth of all my nephews and nieces. It means I can just call my mom and dad or brothers and sister or friends to say "hey can I step by really quick, I want to see you! It means that I won't see my cute little Godson grow older!
Sometimes I asked God why he has put missions on my heart. Cause it might be possible that I feel torn apart the rest of my life cause I have to families on two sides of the world. I will always miss one or the other. But he also might know that I can handle it. And maybe he has much bigger plans for me cause I only see what I can imagine but he can defenetely surpass my imagination! And I will trust him!!

I hope these words or the story of my life somehow encourages you in your walk with God! Cause he IS faithful!!

Learn to dance in the rain, glorify his name, and get yourself some good friends

The other day I was talking to a friend and he showed me a picture with this phrase on it. I don't think it was anything deep we talked in that moment. I guess we talked about the weather cause it is pretty much raining since weeks here in switzerland.. And all of you who know me, know that I LOOOOOOVE the sun. I love being outside, going for walks and last but not least TANING!!=) But I haven't been able to do a lot of any of these things. It has gotten on my nerves that it was raining so much.
So back to this saying. I just couldn't get it out of my head. Cause isn't it like this in any area of our lives. We are in a season but most of the times we wana be in the next season already. We spend so much of our time thinking about the future. But like it is said on this picture 

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, but about learning to dance in the rain."

or 

"If we wait for the sun to come out, we might miss the chance to dance in the rain"

It has made me think of my life. So many times I just wanted to storm to pass. But I forgot learning to dance in the rain.
I think in whatever season we are in in our lives we are waiting for something. Isn't it true?! And waiting is defeneteley not one of my favorite things at all. If there would be a dislike button on waiting I would be the first person to press it!!
Hahaha and God is so awesome cause he is training me in waiting. But I think he is showing me more and more what it means to dance in those waiting seasons. I don't know, maybe you have a season of waiting. And it feels for you like it is raining aaaaall day long and you are just desperate for the sun to come out. But what would it look like if you would just get out and dance in the rain. I am really trying to figure out what it means for me to dance in the rain right now. I guess it is to get to the heart of God and get his perspective on things. It is to trust him with all that I am and it is...

TO GLORIFY HIS NAME IN WHATEVER I DO...

This brings me to the next point I have on my heart! I can't get over the fact that my live has the ability to glorify the name of the Lord. But it is my desicion if I let my life to be glorifying to him or not.
But it defenteley helps me in my daily choices. I have heard a message about it. The preacher talked about the will of God and what he wants us to do. And sometimes he calls us specificly to do something. But I guess many times he lets us choose what we would like to do. But it isn't as hard as it seems do decide  sometimes. I think we gotta ask ourselves one question and that is:

WILL IT GLORIFY THE NAME OF THE LORD!

It really helps me in times of decisions. Not only big decisions but also daily life decisions. Like the way I talk about my co workers, friends or family members. The way I think or the things I meditate over all day long.
I just ask myself during the day "Was this just glorifying the Lord or was it just good for me and my ego?" Often it is the second. It was just good for me. But there are days and times when I can say "yes Lord I think this was glorifying to you"
But we shouldn't be discouraged cause we are only humans. We are not perfect. But the thought just helps me so much to be faithful to God!

I really hope you get my heart and it was encouraging for you!

The last thing I want to tell you today is, if it is hard for you to walk your way with God, surround yourself with friends that help you in your walk. Friends you can meditate with over biblescriptures. Friends you can talk, pray and also have fun with. Cause I really believe community brings us closer to God!!

Be blessed!!!

The past is history

Again it has been a long time since the last time a posted a new blog. I have just been crazy busy and didn’t find time to sit down and actually process my thoughts and post it on my blog!

I think there are two things that I have been working through the last 2 weeks….

1.  The past is history, the future is a mystery but the present is a gift!

A friend of mine told me that. I mean I have heard it before but I was so good to hear it again!

Have you ever found it difficult to enjoy the present. Cause there is so much that happened in the past and you think about what you would change if you could go back, but at the same time your thankful that it happened cause it made you to the person you are now.

So we think about our past mistakes and we are so afraid that we might do them again in the future. And we really don’t want to do the same mistakes again. Yet we are super busy thinking about the future and all the things that could happen that we totally forget about the present!

Right now!! What is happening in my life right now? Where am I at?? I have tons of good friends around me and I am able to spend time with time invest in their lives and learn from them and what they’re going through in their lives.

I have my family around me. And can visit them whenever I want and whenever I have time for it. I am able to spent lots of time with my parents and just enjoy their presence. I am starting a new ministry Beauty Arise, and I have a good job position. And even if I struggle many days with insecurities that I am not good enough for the job I will push through and trust God that he will give me the strength to keep going. So I have so many options to be a light in the world why should I constantly think about my past that is history or my future that is a mystery!

I should rather think about the present and how I can bless the people around me and how I can prepare myself not to make the same mistakes of my past in the future again! And I should enjoy every second of life cause I won’t get back any moment of my life. So I decided to treasure each day even if it might be hard. But even in hardships God is teaching me things and making me more like him!!

2. Have you ever felt like the past is hunting you??

This is kind of what I felt these last few weeks. That’s probably why I had a hard time to treasure the present!

For around 2 weeks I had the hardest time not to go to a gas station and get myself some cigarettes. This last week, has been way better, what made me really happy. Then I thought I am over this stupid habit of going out to seek my attention in guys. But last Friday I was out with a friend and there were so many guys I had a crush on in my past. I mean I was not in love with them. It was just a crush and the desire to be loved. But like 5 of them were there. It was like the past slaped me in my face. And I totally felt the same thing again. I was in the bar and I could feel the hunger of wanting the attention, wanting to be accepted and mostly wanting to be persued. I went back home and I felt so empty. Then on Sunday I had to sing in church and I just didn’t feel like standing on the stage and singning about how much I love God, when I was just out and wanting the attention of guys who don’t love God at all. So I decided to get up super early on Sunday morning and get back to the heart of God. Giving up all my rights and surrendering all my struggles again. Coming back to the foot of the cross and ask for forgiveness and new strength in this battle of the unseen world! And it felt so good.

But after I prayed it was not that the desire of attention just left me. Actually not at all. But I knew that I surrendered it and I told God that I can’t do it alone and that I need his help in this battle.

I won’t give up and I hope that you won’t give up either. I know it is hard. I totally feel you. But keep pushing through it and it will get easier with time. I don’t say it will ever stop here on earth. But with every time our struggles come back we know how to handle it better and how to respond to it!

Don’t be afraid of temptation. Cause temptation will hunt us until we stand in the presence of the Lord. Satan will not stop trying to pull us away from God until we die.

But be aware of what you do when you are tempted. Are you tempted and you start compromise o r do you rebuke it when it gets into your life?!

I would love to tell you that I rebuke temptation everytime it hits me. But it would be a big lie. But I won’t stop fighting against it. And I will get up again after everytime I fall flat on my face=)

Be encouraged and don’t give up!!!

Just yesterday I remebered that I have a blog that I want to update every week. These past 3 weeks have been crazy. I was so busy and didn't really get enough sleep! Yet, God totally carried me through it.
But it is defenetley the reason why I haven't posted anything on here for so long!

Like you guys know, I have been working with the Beauty Arise Ministy in Los Angeles. A ministry that helps women finding their true identity in God and speaking truth into their lives!
So when I came back to Switzerland in December, I sat down with different women and shared with them the vision of Beauty Arise. 4 of them joined the team and we have been starting to plan our first event. Just last thursday (one day before our first event) we had a 5th girl asking if she could be able to help and we welcomed her in our team!

Seriously our first event was so amazing. Around 30 women came and we all had a really good time. The 5 women of the team all shared a little testimony how God has transformed us and why we have a heart and a passion for women finding their identity in God. The 6th girl of the team will get another chance to share her awesome story but it would have been to spontanious for her to share already cause we just welcomed her in the team. But she did a wonderful job helping and serving us!!

We got so many positiv responses to the whole evening. After the event a few girls and me went out. One of the the girls said she was so touched by each and every story. And on sunday when I went to church some of the girls that came, walked up to me and said that they really enjoyed it. And one offered her help for a next event or something! God is so good!

So that's a little update of how everything went. But these weeks, while I was working as a store manager and preparing this Beauty Arise Event I felt often so weak. And sometimes I felt like it doesn't make sense what I'm doing. It was defently Satan trying to destroy something great! So often it scares me. to be in the position I am at. As a store manager the bad of the store weights on my shoulders. But the good mostly weights on the team. It is often like that..
In Beauty Arise I stand in front of people and share my heart and my life with these women. I tell them about my struggles and my victories. I have realized it is a good place to be but also super hard.
I know people watch me everywhere..(Not in a creepy way) Just the other day a friend from a gocery store of the mall where I am working at told me "Hey my friend told me you have a beautiful voice, she has heard you sing in church". I thought it was really fun cause I had no clue who she is. And it gave me also the realization that people can see me. They watch what I am doing.

The last week I was struggeling really hard with the desire to smoke cigarettes. I was just stressed and tired and the thought of smoking a cigarette seemed so relaxing. But seriously, the only thing that held me back the whole time was that I knew that people watch me.
I have a responsabilty on my shoulder that I am proud of but that is hard to have sometimes. But it gives me accountability. I can't just think about myself anymore. People look up to me or see me, when I don't see them. They want to see if I live what I "preach"!

God has been challenging me through this process and I am so thankful. Hahaha but I am a little tired, and sometimes I really just want to do what I feel like to do, but I gotta remember that I can change people's lives in the way I live and depend on God.

I really hope any of these words made sense to you. Cause I was processing my thoughts and the feelings of my heart. And they're really confusing sometimes!

May God bless you and remind you espacially these next days of his never ending grace.

The Beauty Arise Switzerland Crew=)

(Stefanie Urech, Me, Stefanie von Arx->the newest member, Fabienne Hunziker,

Nicole Hunziker, Janine Silva Cunha)

 Fellowship and food, the best combination

Me explaining the beginning of Beauty Arise and the vision of it.

The snacks for the event. We had defentley more then enough=)

The gift of friendships

I have been reflecting on my life a little bit!

I look back and see how God has blessed me with such awesome friends over and over again. It has not always been easy for me. I am such a relational person and most who know me know that I would love to be a wife rather sooner then later =) But God's plans for us are most of the times so different than our own plans. I have seen lots of my friends getting married and having babies. And even this summer 3 of my close girlfriends are getting married. 

So you can imagine that it is challenge for me to trust God with my future. Cause sometimes I defenetley have thoughts like, "God have you forgotten about me? Didn't you put the desire in my heart to get married and have kids? So why do you let me wait for so long? Oh well another SAFE THE DATE card! Maybe there is something wrong with me! Do I have too high expectations?"

These thoughts are all just lies from Satan. So I try not to give it too much of my time. But they still want to overtake my thinking at times.

But in all of this time of waiting and doubting, the Lord has placed many awesome friends in my life. I am so thankful for all of them. I know that the Lord has not forgotten me. He knows the desires of my heart. But he also knows that it is not the right time yet so he gives me tons of awesome girls to walk with me in all those seasons of hoping and growing. 

I think friendships really are a gift. A heavenly gift. And we gotta treasure this gift. Friends can hurt us. I know, but we also can hurt friends. I think we just have to be really humble. We have to forgive. Even if we don't want to forgive at times. But Jesus said forgive 7x70. So let's forgive, if we are mad. Cause God has given friends to us so they can carry us through hard times. But he has also given us friends so they can be excited with us.

He has given us friends to laugh with but also to cry with. We really have to take care of our friendships. Cause it is soooooooo valueable. 

Jesus is our great example of how to do friendships. We can look at the way he treated his disciples, but also so many people he didn't even know. And he also wants a friendship with us. He doesn't want us to have quiet time every morning just so it is done. He wants US!! OUR TIME! He wants to be included. He wants to laugh and cry with us. So he gives us friends here on earth. It is not complicated to have friends. We just have to value them more then ourselves. We have to put them first. I guess that's a little harder. But we can ask the Lord to help us. We can ask him to make us more like Jesus. And then we just love our friends. We invest in their lives.

So if you might have a hard time being single and waiting for your spouse, or you are fighting with one of your friends or everything is just going well, cherish the friendships God has given you. Cause no one can take those friendships away from you. You can learn so much from your friends and you can be an example to them! Be thankful for your friends and love on them.

So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. John 13:34

(Sarah Faye: Georgia! I staffed her DTS and we fell in love with eachother=) in a really pure way of course. We live on different continets but still we message eachother and pray for each other. )

(Steffi, Debi, Mary! 3 Sisters! Debi and me are close friends since over 10 years. So I also know her sisters ... We all got older and the age difference doesn't really matter anymore. So we all became super good friends and I am so thankful for those 3 women of God. It is ha gift to have them in my life)

(Steffi: We used to go to school together but never really talked too much. Around 4 years ago we met and started hanging out. It kind of endet up in a fight over a boy: A few weeks ago she messaged me on facebook. We met, and it was like the fight was forgotten. I mean we talked about it and we both apologized for our mistakes and we forgave. Now we are growing together with God and learn what it means to have our contenment in Christ)

(Jessica: Met her at Ywam La: We only started being super close friends after we knew eachother for 2 years. Crazy. But God has allowed us to deepen our friendship even if we live 1000 of miles apart from eachother)

There are tons of stories/pictures I would love to post but it would take a little too long! But I think you know what I am trying to say.

I want to encourage you to cherish your friendships. Make new friends and forgive your friends who have hurt you. It is worth it!

I love you guys and I am so thankful that you are reading my blog. It encourages me to keep doing what I'm doing!!

In Your Love

There's nothing I want more then to be in your love......

....My BIGGEST desire is to be in God's love. To be in his presence. To be in his loving arms.

But sometimes I get caught up with life, different situations or I face challenges. I get distracted and somehow lose focus on the one who gives me peace about everything. There is a reason why Jesus is called the prince of peace=).

This morning during my quiet time it hit me again, how desperate I am to be in the presence of the Lord.

I felt him saying: "Look into my eyes. Don't be ashamed because you got distracted by life, I understand.... But I want you to look into my eyes and see the thoughts and the love I have for you!!"

I am so overwhelmed by how gracious our loving Father is. So often we get distracted, or run away or just want our own will to happen, but then we realize that God is so much bigger. He sees the full picture. We turn back to him and he waits for us with open arms. And even in those times when we feel like we turn away, the Lord is right by our side and knocks on the door of our heart. He doesn't leave us nor forsake us. But we have our own will to turn to him and to open the door for him.

Often I just want to change myself. I try to be better, to trust more, to not worry and enjoy the day without thinking of tomorrow. But I can try as hard as I want, the one that can change me is only God. I have to fully depend on him and his grace. Cause he says:

"My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. 2. Corinthians 12:9

I am depended on God. And that's why I desire nothing more then to be in his holy presence forever. That's the reason why I want to be in his love sooooo bad. So that He will continue to change me and make me more like Jesus -> the one that set me free and leads me to new freedom day after day!

Who Are You?

If I only could understand who God really is!! I really want to. And sometimes it frustrates me that I never will until the day I stand before him. Face to face.

I don't think I would doubt his ways anymore. It wouldn't be hard anymore to just trust.

The last few days as I was praying I asked the Lord "Who are you?? I don't understand you? Why do you love me? Why are you so good to me? What are you??" 

And he answered me....

....The Lord is king! Let the earth rejoice! Let the farthest coastlands be glad. 

Dark clouds surround him.

Righteousness and justice are the foundation of his throne.

Fire spreads ahead of him and burns up all his foes. His lighning flashes out across the world.

The earth sees and trembles.

The mountains melt like wax before the Lord, before the Lord of all the earth.

The heavens proclaim his righteousness; every nation sees his glory.

Those who worship idols are discraced-

all who brag about their worthless gods-

for every god must bow to him.

Jerusalem has heard and rejoiced, all the towns of Judah are glad because of your justice, O Lord!

For you O Lord are supreme over all the earth; you are exalted far above all gods.

You who love the Lord hate evil!

He protects the lives of his godly people and rescues them from the power of the wicked.

Light shines on the godly, and joy on those whose hearts are right.

May all who are godly rejoice in the Lord and praise his holy name!

Psalm 97

I am amazed by this. MOUNTAINS melt like wax before him. The earth sees and trembles....

... He who is so powerful, he who has so much power, he who is holy, actually cares for me. He has plans for me full hope! Sometimes it just seems so unbelievable that there is a God who cares for each and everyone of us. But when I look back on my life I know he does exist. And I get frustrated when I don't trust him. But even in those times the Lord is patient with me and he explains to me that he is Lord over my life.

This morning I drove to work and thought about this Psalm again. And I looked up to the sky. And I saw all those clouds, and the blue sky shining through it at different places. And everything looked so majestic. And still it is such a little part of this whole universe. We are something like the smallest living beings in this universe and HE CARES FOR ME. I guess that explains a little more how indescribable he is. 

I will be okay with not understanding him fully. But I will not stop persueing him. I won't stop asking him who he is, and searching for more of him, until the day when he'll take me home!